“‘Dear excited pregnant mom, you think you’re tired now? Just wait until your baby won’t sleep, your nipples ache, and you fight with your husband nonstop. You’ll probably get depressed, never get your body back, your house will always be a disaster, and your social life with disappear.’ Why is this the basic ‘welcome to motherhood’ letter being sent out? I received it. Many of my friends did. I suspect you did, too.”
“They were neighbors, classmates since kindergarten. As a father, you cross your fingers teenage boys and men in her life will respect and protect her. She didn’t know it, but 6,000 miles away, tragedy would strike and change her life forever.”
“They don’t tell you you’re going to cry. A lot. You dropped that pacifier on the floor? Might as well throw in the towel. According to your postpartum brain, your partner will NEVER do it right. Your ‘friends’ will drop you like it doesn’t even phase them. You’ll check your baby’s breathing every few minutes. Whether you breastfeed or formula feed, it hurts. Someone will always have something to say.”
“Sometimes motherhood can be a lot. Sometimes marriage can be a lot. Sometimes a career can be a lot. And sometimes? Sometimes it just feels like a lot all at once.”
“Every time people saw me, there was another new bruise or broken bone. The night before Johnny gave me some meth and pills, CPS said they had to come and do an assessment. He immediately told the worker I had been ‘up doing drugs all night.’ That night was the beginning of the end.”
“One baby was much paler than the other and born 2 pounds lighter. ‘How could one be so different than the other?’ The science didn’t make sense. I had no idea of the world I would be thrown into. I started to feel like maybe something was wrong with my babies. They had two totally different souls.”
“I got excited at the idea of one more child. Then the doctor told me, ‘Time is of the essence for you. It seems the kidney isn’t here.’ Now you might be asking, what about the pee? We lost his heartbeat. They couldn’t get it back. My doctor looked me in the eye. ‘We need to get him out, NOW.'”
“Not once had I ever logged into anything of his. I never thought I had a reason to. Our relationship was secure. I was secure. I noticed his email was open. To this day, I am still not sure what made me click on his open email. I like to think it was my grandma looking down, trying to save me from the worst mistake of my life.”
“The deadly bacterial infection spread to my heart. The machine next to my bed started beeping wildly. I remember the fluorescent lights burning my eyes. The beeps kept getting louder, louder. My mother flew over, piling blankets over me. Though my mother was not calm this time, I breathed her in. That’s all I remember. No pain.”
“The moment I’m at home alone with the thoughts of my divorce the urge to drink alone at home begin. There’s a reason I’m always out and about, why my social calendar is booked, and why I like getting away and going out of town on the weekends. It is because I have to.”
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