“To your friend who does all the things, the social butterfly who attends all the events, who brunches every weekend, who attend events during the workweek, who is already on to go, who is always busy with a social event — there might be a reason behind this. There might be a reason why your friend stays busy and is always on the go.
The moment I stop, even for a second, is the moment all the thoughts flood back into my mind. The moment I’m at home along with the thoughts of my divorce and of friends walking out when I needed them most, the urge to drink alone at home begin. The worst part is the depression and anxiety start to get the best of me and put me back in that dark place I was in for the most part of last year. There’s a reason why I seem never to be home, even if it is just walking the dog. There’s a reason I’m always out and about, why my social calendar is booked, and why I like getting away and going out of town on the weekends. It is because I have to.
I have to do all the things all the time because of my chronic depression and anxiety. Sitting and being still is a trigger for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a cup of coffee on my back patio with my dogs too. I also enjoy a slower pace sometimes, but for the most part, I have to have something in the future planned. Sometimes thinking about those plans in the future are the only things that gets me through the day. My life last year was consumed with so much emptiness, self-doubt, and not feeling like I was enough. I try very hard to not go back to those dark days. So I keep going. I go to all the social events, grand openings, concerts, new brunch spots, and coffee places. I keep moving.
So many people have said to me, ‘Your weekends look like so much fun!’ Trust me they are, but the reason behind all the fun isn’t so fun. At first, getting out and being social exhausted me. It would take me hours to actually get out of bed, shower, do my hair and makeup, and actually walk out of the house. I still feel this way sometimes.
But this is what I knew I had to do. I couldn’t stay cooped up in a house by myself with no human interaction, and I knew this. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. I’ve suffered from this so long, I know my triggers and I know how to attempt to pull myself out of it. I say ‘attempt’ because as I’ve gotten older when I get into a depressed or anxious state, it takes me longer to pull myself out. My energy level in my 30’s is just not what it was in my teens and 20’s, which I’m assuming is normal.
I’ve also heard, ‘How do you afford to do all of this?’ Well, nosey person, most of the things I do are completely free, cheap, discounted, or a special event that’s a set price. Also, I have this thing where I’m good with my money and don’t overspend. Although I’m not going to lie, it’s happened a time or two. Being out, being social, doing all the things — it’s my therapy and my coping skill so I don’t fall into another battle with depression and anxiety.
I know I’ll always struggle with my anxiety and depression and that’s okay. It’s a part of who I am. I’ve learned to say no to things I don’t want to do, and yes to what I what to do. I’ve learned to take care of myself and do what makes me happy. I wake up every day and just try to be a better person than the day before so I can leave this world a better place than I found it.
If you have a friend who looks like they have it all together socially, is always on the go, is always out having fun, brunching, at the new coffee shop, at all the new grand openings, and doing all the things — there might a reason why this friend appears to be living their best life. Offer to go to brunch, the farmers market, dinner, coffee or wherever with them. Who knows, maybe you’ll have fun and pick up a new hobby, or learn something new about yourself or your friend.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Cortney McBride. Follow her journey on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more stories from Cortney here:
‘I was separated from my husband, left a toxic job, and lost most of my friends. Then I thought of the women in my life.’: Woman realizes she is a ‘strong woman’ because she was raised by ‘stronger women
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‘I turned in my 2 weeks’ notice. I didn’t have any job prospects. I just knew if I stayed, that place would’ve sucked the life out of me.’: Woman abandons dream job after upper management creates ‘living hell’ environment
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