“I really thought this was going to be our Christmas miracle.
On December 1st I took a test and to my surprise it was positive.
We got pregnant for the third time naturally.
I was so excited and shocked. I thought this time was going to be different.
This was the first time I had ever gotten a positive before a missed period.
I immediately called my clinic to get a beta and to start progesterone.
I was already thinking of ways to tell our friends and families that we were pregnant.
I immediately download the pregnancy apps because I was just sure this was going to be our time.
But then I got my beta results back and it was only a 12.
I was pregnant but it was low and I knew that it wasn’t good.
I got my second beta done on December 3rd and I was so nervous that it wasn’t going to double.
I felt like my test weren’t getting any darker but to our surprise, my 2nd beta came back at 34 it doubled.
I was then instructed to start Lovenox and to check my beta again today December 6th.
This morning I took a test and it was so light.
I just had a feeling that this baby wasn’t going to make it.
Then today I got the dreaded email that my beta was only 37 confirming my worst fear.
We are so heartbroken.
I never thought we would be here three years later with four miscarriages.
I don’t even know where to go from here.
I don’t even know if I want to continue to try and get pregnant again.
This is all becoming too much.
I am tired of getting my hopes up just for them to come crashing down a week later.
I am so angry that I would even get pregnant for it to turn out to be another miscarriage.
I don’t know why we don’t have answers to our miscarriages.
I just want things to go right for once.
I am starting to think that maybe we aren’t supposed to have biological children.
I don’t know how we go on from here.
Even though I only carried you for a short time just know that you were wanted very much.
We will always love you baby Vitu.
Say hi to your siblings for us.
Goodbye for now.”
![positive pregnancy test that ended in a miscarriage](https://lwm-a2.azureedge.net/uploads/2021/12/brittany_pregnancy_test-900x1062.jpg)
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Brittany. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here.
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