Disclaimer: This story contains details of child loss and grief which may be upsetting to some.
“My sweet boy,
It’s been 10 days since you passed and I still don’t know how this is all true.
How can you really be gone?
It’s too quiet in our house.
I find myself listening for you – looking to see if you’re asleep somewhere.
I’m scared to go in your room – to disrupt any of the last little parts of you in our home.
I even made sure no one touches your blanket you left on the couch.
It’s the last place you were in our home.
You were always so worried when I had to travel without you.
Quizzing me on all of the details.
You were so protective of me.
Remember the time when you asked, ‘But what if you die, mommy?’
And I said, ‘Then I’ll be in heaven waiting for you, and when I get to see you again I’ll run to you as fast as I can because I will have missed you so much.’
You said, ‘But mommy, don’t you know angels fly?’
I said, ‘Whatever gets me to you sooner is what I’ll do Beckham, whatever gets me to you sooner.’
Baby boy, it has been an honor to be your mommy.
One song that makes me think of you has a part that says, ‘What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?’
The doctors told me so many times I’d lose you, but every single time you proved them wrong.
You were not only my miracle boy, but theirs too.
I am so proud of you, little boy.
You were always so relentless in your fight.
You always did what was asked of you.
You would always forge on and with a smile…
And maybe with a few jokes or pranks on the side.
You were the king of finding the silver lining.
You have taught me SO much.
Not only have you taught me how to love fully.
You’ve taught me how to find humor in it all.
You’ve taught me everything is better when you add a little quick whit and a whole lot of good music.
I’m going to miss blasting your fight songs on the way to treatments.
I loved cheering you on.
You always loved to tease me and were so embarrassed by my dance moves, I still claim I was just trying to make you laugh, though…
But Beckham, you truly knew how to love and you always made me feel so loved by you.
Beckham, I’d do anything to keep you safe and I hate I couldn’t protect you from all of this.
Every day from now on is just one day closer to you.
And when my day comes where I will join you in heaven…I will run/fly/teleport, whatever gets me to you quickest so I can hold you in my arms again.
I love you forever, my Beckham boy.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Sarah Turner. You can follow her journey on Instagram and Beckham’s Instagram. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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