‘I am so tired of breaking up fights. I am so tired of forced playdates, folding laundry, cooking food that won’t get eaten, and speaking in limited vocabulary.’: Mom admits ‘I am so spent’

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“My youngest is 4 years old, and I’ve finally come to terms with it: I have postpartum rage.

It’s been a few months now that I’ve been questioning myself.

Wondering what’s wrong with me.

Wondering if other moms feel this.

Wondering if I’m just desperately trying to label my emotions so I can justify my feelings.

Wondering endlessly.

I’ve read the posts and pieces and memes and laughed it off and cried it off for as long as I can, but I finally realized I’m flat out lying to myself… because it can’t be right, right?

My youngest is 4 years old, wouldn’t I have noticed it before?

Why does everything trigger me?

When they yell, it triggers me.

When they fight, it definitely triggers me.

When they cry, it triggers me.

When I have to repeat myself like a broken record, it triggers me.

When they laugh too loud in the car, it triggers me.

The good and the bad trigger me.

And I know some people will read this and think how horrible I am, that even my children laughing triggers me.

But I am so spent.

I am so tired of breaking up fights.

I am so tired of folding laundry.

I am so tired of cooking food that won’t get eaten.

I am so tired of forced outings and play dates and speaking in a limited vocabulary.

I am so tired of saying I’m so tired.

Which is why everything triggers me.

The fact of the matter is, I had 3 beautiful children all 2 years apart, and didn’t have any time in between to catch my breath.

I didn’t get a chance to get my head above water before I found myself immersed in the mundane day-to-day tasks of keeping little humans alive and well.

And I’m not saying I’m ungrateful and regretful.

I’m not saying that I would trade my children for anything in the world.

I’m not saying I don’t love them.

I just want someone to hear me and tell me they feel what I feel without throwing suggestions and solutions at me.

I just want to feel validated and understood.

I just want someone to tell me that it’s okay and that this will pass.

This smile I paint on my face every day is hiding a whirlwind of emotions inside me screaming to be let out.

It’s draining and exhausting to always try so hard to be okay.

I am spent.

That’s all.”

Courtesy of Suka Nasrallah

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Suka Nasrallah. You can follow her journey on Facebook. You can purchase her book, Unfiltered Truths of Motherhood: Captive & Captivated, here. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Suka here:

‘I listened to him yell ‘mama’ 67 times while he banged on the bathroom door during my shower. 67 times.’: Mom candidly shares ‘we are so beyond worn out’

‘He is our backbone. His words comfort like a warm blanket. He tells me it will be okay, even when he knows it may not.’: Woman shares ode to ‘present’ fathers

Please Stop Judging Women For Complaining About Motherhood

Your Life Did Not End When You Became A Mother—You Were Reborn

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