“I just read a story of a mom that ended her life because she was struggling so badly with postpartum depression, and it really hit me hard…
What moms have to go through is so hard. We go through so many mental and physical changes during pregnancy, and the changes and challenges just keep on coming postpartum.
I’ve struggled a lot after having Eli… I’ve had days where I’ve cried for hours on end. I had lost all of my pregnancy weight by 8 days postpartum because I was so sad, I just couldn’t even think about food. I’ve told people I was going to feed Eli in the bedroom, when really I was just going in there to hold him and cry, and tell him how sorry I was for being such a poor excuse of a mother. Because he deserved a happy mom.
I watched Mackenzie sleep on the monitor for an hour one night, just praying she would forgive me for being who I am. I’ve been so confused because I LOVE being a mom. Seriously it’s all I’ve ever wanted to be, and I have two beautiful children… so beautiful and so perfect that I don’t feel worthy of them at all.
I’ve always been the kind of person to hide the way I feel, for the most part, just because I don’t think it’s anyone else’s ‘problem’.
Eli is 6 weeks old now, and I still have days where I cry most of the day. But I’m slowly learning I’m not a terrible mom. I am doing my very best. I am not worthless and I am not the only one who has struggled with these feelings.
Also, sorry for my ugly cry face. I am not a cute crier. LOL.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Casey Schmidt. You can follow her journey on Instagram here and Facebook here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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