“When I was only 19 I was not loving myself. I didn’t know who I was… I didn’t know how to love, honor, and accept myself and my real raw, unique and essential beauty.
I was at a stage in my life where I was trying to ‘fit in’ in a society that imposed so much pressure about the standards of beauty and there was a lot of confusion about the real meaning of being and feeling ‘beautiful enough.’
Back then, I was very immature and didn’t know my self-worth and my real value as a woman.
I got lost in a constant battle where looking good and beautiful seemed to be all that matters, and I started to build up my identity based on insecurities and lack of self-worth.
When I turned 20, my, my trauma of having a very ‘girlish flat-chested body’ beat me so hard that I started to lose my self-esteem and let myself be influenced by my social and cultural environment, falling into a myriad of prejudices, false beauty stereotypes, and social conditionings that were knocking me down.
I lost my self-confidence and believed I was not beautiful and feminine enough, and that my body was not attractive enough because I had no boobs! How I was supposing to attract guys to my life?
I stopped listening to the voice of my happy, genuine, authentic, and loving inner girl and stopped looking at Her in the mirror with love and appreciation.
I stopped loving my body, and myself, and started to see myself in the mirror with the ‘lenses’ of unfulfillment and unworthiness rather than with the eyes of love, gratitude, and appreciation for my unique Self.
One day before starting college, my parents came with a very ‘special’ gift: they booked me an appointment with one of the top plastic surgeons in Mexico City to consider Breast Implants.
Yes, my parents came with the idea! And in a way, this was the reinforcement I needed to believe my body, and I, were ‘not good enough’ and not ‘beautiful enough.’
How I wish they could have shown me a more loving way to work on my self-esteem, and guided me with other resources to learn how to accept my beautiful tiny body just as it was (‘flat and skinny’, but healthy, authentic and beautiful as per my petite body frame) and not offering me a ‘quick fix’ that only brought me more insecurities and confirmed my sense of low self-worth and not being ‘beautiful enough.’
I remember back then, in Mexico and the US, the plastic surgery industry of breast implants was blooming. It was also the boom of all those celebrities like Pamela Anderson (from Baywatch) and Britney Spears (pop star singer and actress) that looked sooo ‘beautiful’ and with ‘perfect bodies and boobs.’
I was definitely influenced by that and my desire to feel more attractive to boys with a more ‘feminine and womanly type body,’ so I made the unconscious decision to have Breast Implants, and with it, masking all my insecurities and lack of self-acceptance and self-love.
My implants were so small that you couldn’t even noticed a big difference, and I remember I was very angry for putting myself through so much suffering with a very small outcome.
Again here, this was showing how it’s never enough!
This is nothing different from now, I know! With all the plastic surgeries, botox, injectables, and beauty stuff out there transforming the essence of beauty into some sort of plastic creatures.
But back then, 20 years ago, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know the implications of my decision, I didn’t know the long term consequences for my health in choosing to have silicone breast implants, but most importantly I didn’t know my REAL VALUE and worthiness as an authentic WOMAN.
Trying to fill in the lack of self-love and unfulfillment with breast implants was not the solution, but rather the beginning, of the deterioration of my health and more insecurities and shame about my body. After getting implants, I was afraid to be pointed out as the ‘skinny girl with fake boobs’. I even didn’t tell my friends I had them. I kept it a secret for so long. I was ashamed of my decision and it took me few years to fell comfortable with them.
I realized that the sense of unfulfillment and insecurity never went off, and my body started to get sick.
I started to became TOXIC! Slowly and silently sick without even knowing.
I had a beautiful body from the outside, but was unhealthy and TOXIC from inside out.
Over the following 20 years, I completely lost control of my physical, mental, and emotional health and wellbeing and I didn’t know it was related to my breast implants.
So, I started a very long journey trying to discover the root cause of my disease.
I started to seek answers and looked for natural remedies based on a Naturopathic approach, Functional Medicine, Ayurveda, Kinesiology and Acupuncture. I was so desperate I started to seek spiritual guidance too. I quit my job to become a Yoga, Meditation and Breathing Coach trying to find some relief to my achy body and anxious mind. I started to have a very healthy, low-tox, organic lifestyle to help with my lack of vitality and endless physical conditions.
I was desperate, tired and depressed after doctors, and even friends and families, called me a hypochondriac, believing everything was in my mind. They suggested antidepressants to numb the series of symptoms.
This story has been paying a big karma and suffering to my body: I felt like I was dying.
I didn’t know that silently and progressively over the years, these toxic implants started to disrupt my thyroid function, affect my metabolism, digestion, cognitive function, liver hormones, and metabolism.
They were causing me more than 20 symptoms including: chronic fatigue, inflammation, autoimmune disorders, fibromyalgia, joint and muscle pain, brain fog, food intolerances and leaky gut, blurred and dry vision, migraines, anxiety, skin rashes, metal toxicity, tinnitus, eye floaters, liver problems, and an endless list of physical-mental and emotional health issues.
I thought my symptoms were part of aging, now being in my 40’s.
But they were NOT!
After years of begging for answers, innumerable research, thousands of dollars invested in doctors and specialists, trying all sorts of detoxification programs to get rid of my symptoms, a change in my diet to organic-sugar-dairy-gluten free, and practicing all sort of different healing modalities, on January 1st 2021, I was writing my New Year’s intentions and asking my Guides to help me find out the root cause of my disease.
I remember I was desperate crying, begging for answers, and asking the Universe: What else can I do? Please show me the way. I have tried everything and still feeling like crap. Why my body is so unwell? Why I feel so depleted? When did I lose the healthy, loving, connection with my body?
In that moment, I trusted the answers were coming to me.
In a matter of two weeks and as a sign of serendipity, I found a new doctor in Brisbane -a specialist in immunity conditions- that pointed out my breast implants and introduced me to the field of ‘Breast Implant illness;’ days after I touched base with a friend from the past that recently had explanted her implants and told me her story. She introduced me to a private group on FB called ‘Healing Breast Implant Illness’ by Nicole, and I found I was not crazy. I found the truth behind my disease, and that there are thousands of women around the world suffering in silence from Breast Implant Illness.
These two messages came from heaven and opened my eyes to realize my Breast Implants were making me sick. I became TOXIC all these years and everything started to make sense.
All these years, my body was speaking to me that loud for a big reason: She was desperate to be liberated from all this toxic load. She was begging to find freedom and healing.
I started to do further research, and I found out two more triggers that were the turning point to take the decision to get rid of them:
I found out that breast implants are made from more than 40 highly toxic chemicals.
A soup of Neurotoxins, carcinogenic, thyroid disrupters and heavy metals were right inside my body, radiating toxicity from my chest next to my heart, lungs, and vital organs.
The toxicity was inside me all these years, disturbing my health and my ability to thrive. What was the point of eating all these organic food, detoxifications and changing my lifestyle if these toxic bags were inside me?
Not even worse than the chemical toxicity, I found out that in 2019 the FDA requested a recall on certain manufacturer brands and textured breast implants (like Allergan and McGhan- the ones I had-) as they were associated with worldwide reported cases of patients having a type of cancer called BIA-ALCL Breast Implant-Associated Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma -related to their implants.
This opened my eyes even more.
My body was not only sick, but at risk for cancer because of my implants!!
What was the point of having a ‘beautiful looking body’ but feeling like I was dying from inside?
This was the moment I made the decision to explant them as soon as possible.
From that moment, I started looking for the best surgeons in Brisbane, and booked my surgery.
I started a journey to prepare myself for my surgery. I did a lot of work to start listening to my body’s needs with love, and forgive myself and my wounded inner child for the damage I caused to myself all these years. I promised myself that I would never, ever sacrifice my self-love and health again for any type of validation or recognition.
How I wish I could have had this information in my hands before choosing breast implants over my vanity, lack of self-love and insecurity.
But back then, there was not enough information that surgeons would share with patients. Even today the plastic surgery industry does not warn you about the risks, the high levels of toxicity, and how breast implants could affect and screw your health and immunity in the long term, even causing a type of cancer.
Sadly, I was not informed that when implants become older and older, silicone gel starts to deteriorate and would bleed trough the semi-permeable silicone shells intoxicating your body. They can get ruptured inside without you even noticing, making the silicone migrate to your lymphatic glands.
The promise of my surgeon was that I didn’t have to change these implants every 10 years (as the old implants have) as they were the ‘new textured generation’ that were very unlikely to have any problems in the future. And I trusted the ‘expert,’ not knowing what he knew, and what is not shared with their patients, and even denying information (a lot of surgeons and the medical system deny all this information due to a lack of evidence). It is so unethical!
But the truth is, once you got implants is not a matter of ‘IF’ you would have to replace them or remove them but ‘WHEN’. In fact, they are a time bomb in your body; this is what happened to me.
This is the TRUTH behind Breast Implant Illness and it needs to be revealed.
Everybody praises how beautiful women look with them (including myself when I decided to have them), but nobody tells you what is behind a multimillion-dollar industry that does NOT care about your health and is setting a false, mistaken concept and value about beauty…
This is how culture has indoctrinated beauty specially for women, and how we tend to tie our intrinsic sense of worth to our external appearance carrying with it a lot of unnecessary suffering and a big big karma and price for our health.
My surgery took place in Brisbane in June 15, 2021. I had an ‘explant surgery’ with total capsulectomy, a procedure that removes your breast implants and the entire capsule of scar tissue that surround them; and I can’t be more grateful as everything went well and all the pathology tests were clear. I felt like my body and Soul could finally rest.
Despite the inner battle of emotions that brought back the wounds of my past, the decision to let go of the attachment that my ego-mind had to my body-image and all of the fear, pain and anxiety of the whole procedure brought to me, I feel humbly grateful and at peace with my decision and all the lessons behind it.
I couldn’t be more grateful for giving my body the opportunity to reset and recover my health and reinvent myself, but most importantly giving myself the gift to heal my inner-child so I can now watch myself in the mirror with the eyes of love, forgivenessm and compassion and welcome a more organic, true, and raw version of myself.
This is with, no doubt, a before and after in my life, a whole shedding skin journey and a conscious and loving Renaissance.
How I wish I could have had more appreciation, respect and love for my body when I was younger.
How I wish I could have had a better guidance from my parents, however I don’t blame them as I know they did everything for me with real love and with the tools and consciousness they had at that time.
How I wish our society could stop putting so much pressure in the media creating a false value of what ‘means’ to be beautiful.
How I wish I could have had the consciousness I have now to have chosen differently, and with more love for myself, instead of unconsciously choosing to put this cocktail of neurotoxins and chemicals in my precious body.
This is why I am sharing my story and giving voice to my truth- so that I can inspire and educate other women about breast implants and reconsider before choosing to have them.
I am sharing my story to support other women already in their journeys to overcome Breast Implant Illness so they can find healing and support knowing they are not alone!
I am sharing my story as a wakeup call for other women and inspire them to create a more truthful identity and new standard of beauty based on love and inner worthiness, taking more appreciation and respect for ourselves and bodies and stop the endless war of comparisons and the sense of unfulfillment when we only get to see our imperfections and what is missing vs embracing our true essence.
This is a call to women to accept who we truly are; consciously embracing our body in all its stages, shapes and forms and discerning with consciousness what feels good for our bodies not based in false archetypes or other people’s opinions, labels, adjectives and prejudices.
My wish and vision is to create a new standard of beauty based on Self-LOVE so that all women can have a more loving, genuine and authentic relationship with themselves and with other women. where we can be grateful every day for the miracle of our existence and we could feel LOVED, WHOLE, and at HOME with ourselves, embracing our own kind of BeYOUtiful.
Please Sisters! It’s time to bring to the light what nobody tells about Breast Implant Illness and the plastic surgery industry and start educating ourselves, younger generations and our daughters to consciously embrace and honor ourselves with more dignity, respect and love.
You have been called my loves.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Beatriz Davila from Brisbane, Australia. You can follow her journey on Instagram, Facebook, and her website. You can find more information about Breast Implant Illness here and Facebook support groups here and here. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
Read more stories about Breast Implant Illness:
‘I was 22 and wanted to feel feminine. My husband said breast implants would help ‘spice things up.’: Woman removes implants after plagued by Breast Implant Illness, ‘removing them gave me the confidence I lacked for years’
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