“Do you know the saying, ‘Here goes nothing.’ Well, here goes EVERYTHING…for the past 6 months we have privately been accepting that the life we had planned for our sweet Baby G may not be what WE planned.
6 months ago, we unexpectedly delivered the most perfectly imperfect baby boy. Little did we know what God had in store for us. At 20 weeks pregnant, we did the genetic testing for our unborn child – even though we didn’t want to find out the gender. The test results came back negative.
As Sean and I were in the hospital delivering our sweet Baby G, we were so excited to find out what gender baby we were having. We both deep down wished for a boy, but regardless girl or boy we just wanted a healthy baby.
When the doctor told Sean to tell me what gender our baby was, I’ll never forget that moment. ‘It’s a boy Sonny!’ The doctor placed our sweet Baby G on my chest and tears of joy were falling. PURE HAPPINESS. The best feeling of my life, but instantly, I knew.
Our beautiful baby’s day of birth continued! We named him Cru Ledger. We have had this name picked out for years! We were on cloud 9. Our families came by to visit. It felt so surreal. I felt like the luckiest person on the planet, even though I knew.
Once my sister came by to visit Cru, I finally voiced my thoughts I could never imagine were real. ‘Haley, I feel like he has Down syndrome.’ I’ll never forget her response: ‘If he does, who cares?! He’s perfect Sonny.’
The next day our pediatrician’s colleague came in to examine our sweet Cru. As she was examining him, I knew. My heart sank…she voiced my fear that soon became reality. She asked if we wanted to proceed to do the tests to confirm and we said yes.
That night in the hospital was the worse night of my life hands down. It was the biggest gut punch (as my mom puts it) I’ve ever had. My husband was exactly what I needed those 3 days in the hospital. He’s the strongest person I know.
I cried all the way home from the hospital, knowing in the back of my mind, I knew. When we got home my sister was there, thank God. We walked through the doors and Sean’s phone rang. It was our pediatrician with the test results.
Sean left the room and went into our dining room. I heard him crying (HARD). He never cries. I knew…I handed Cru to Haley and went to Sean. Sean said, ‘He has it.’ I said, ‘I know.’
The next days and weeks following, our families came over to embrace us and love us. We finally told our close friends what had happened in the hospital. We couldn’t have asked for a better support system.
Guilt plays a huge roll with Cru’s diagnosis. I kept telling myself , ‘What did I do?’ ‘How did I cause this?’ I finally realized it’s no one’s ‘fault’ – EVER. Down syndrome happens at conception randomly, just as anything that’s genetic. Cru was always the same baby. It’s an anomaly that happens to 1 in 700 babies.
You could say we hit the JACKPOT. It’s taken faith, support, strength, & love for me to get to this point. I have faith God chose Sean and I for Cru. He has already humbled us and made us better people. Without support from our family and close friends, there is no way we could have gotten through the dark moments. We 100 percent have the best family and friends anyone could ask for.
They say strength is not built over night, but earned through your whole life. If you know me then you know I’ve earned my strength. Finally, the love I have for this little boy triumphs over all. We will love Cru unconditionally until our last breath.
My grandmother came up with an acronym when she came into the hospital to visit Cru when it was the unknown. I asked her, ‘Nanny, what do you think?’ She said as she held Cru and looked at him, ‘I know this: C is for Chosen by Christ, R is for Redeemed by Christ, and U is for United in Christ.’ My father-in-law came up with our nickname for Cru in the family: ‘Cru the Glue.’
I tell all of you this because I’m a transparent, REAL person, hoping the world we live in is a kind world. Down syndrome is beautiful and I’m going to celebrate it. Please teach your mainstream children to be Inclusive. That’s all that matters.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Sonny Gans of Dallas, TX and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram and Facebook. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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