“Are you talking to your kids about sex or did you talk to them about sex?
I honestly don’t care if your kids are 7 or 17, open communication is relevant. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have 20 year old’s asking for my opinions on sex before marriage or foreplay and where to draw the line.
*PSA: I am not addressing sexual abuse/rape in this post because what was given vs. what’s been taken are two totally different things. It’s important to know the difference.
SEX is not a dirty word. It was created by our creator with intention and beauty. It’s the misuse of it that has given it a bitter taste.
Bold statements coming from a woman who freely gave her body away at 13 years old.
Bold statements coming from a woman who didn’t stay pure for her husband, who has watched pornography, who has lusted and succumbed to perverse desires.
I am not a saint. I never was. But I’m real.
Every one of you has already formed thousands of opinions based on experience. This is mine.
Sex is sacred.
Every time you put your body in the hands of another human, an exchange takes place. You can’t simply break ties with that connection whether it was a one-night stand or a 3-year relationship you expected to end in marriage. From one extreme to the other, there is an exchange.
So. if the act of sex is so sacred, is it okay to ‘do other things’ as long as you save your virginity for marriage?
Some of us need to see how close we can edge to the fire without getting burned. I know this personality because I am this personality and it’s likely the personality of every person who has asked me this exact question: How far is too far?
So I have to ask; Can you walk into a chocolate shop and smell but not taste? Can you go to the beach on a hot day and avoid getting your feet in the water? Can you touch each other intimately without wanting more?
If you’re looking for biblical answers (most of the ladies who reached out were), I have never found one verse that explicitly says not to perform oral sex outside of marriage, but plenty warn against sexual immorality. What is sexual immorality? If you are looking for faith-based boundaries, open up the Bible app and search ‘sexual immorality.’ Verses will pop up, from Genesis to Revelations. Read.
As much as I would like to control what my kids view to be true, I cannot set their moral compass, only they can do that. If you are a parent reading this; it is our privilege, honor and obligation to lay a foundation, open up communication and guide them (chart their course, if you will), but we cannot steer their vessel. They will be faced with innumerable choices that we can’t make for them. This reality is difficult for me, but I’m learning.
If you are a teen/young adult reading this, know what’s important to you and don’t waiver. Talk with a trusted adult (I hope that’s your parents). They are knowledgeable on the subject because they have most definitely had sex, that’s how you got here *insert looks of disgust followed by, ‘ewwwwww,’ but it’s true. They know more about it than you’d like to believe. If verbal communication is hard, write a note. ‘Hey mom, my boyfriend is talking about sex and I don’t know how I feel about it. I know this is hard for you, it’s hard for me too. Can we please talk about it?’ If it’s not mom or dad make sure it is someone you know you can trust. You cannot ignore red flags here.
But for the love of everything holy, DO NOT sit in silence because the word ‘sex’ feels uncomfortable to mutter. It isn’t a bad word, just misused and misunderstood. Let’s shine a light on it and celebrate what it is.”
*Currently both of our girls (7 and 10) have expressed that they are telling their husbands that they are unwilling to have sex EVER because the act seems totally gross.
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Raquel McCloud, 31, of north Carolina. Follow her family journey on Instagram here and her website here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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