“Her excitement was oozing out as she exclaimed, ‘The day is finally here!’ Yes, the day we had all been thinking about, fantasizing about, and trying to plan for, was finally here.”
‘I am about to call you.’ My heart pounded. ‘Are you able to take in a newborn baby boy?’ I looked at my husband. ‘I guess we are doing this!’
‘There’s good news and there’s bad news,’ my dad told me. ‘The good news is they found out what’s wrong with Mom.’ I didn’t know how much longer I could hang on.’
“After 2 years of troubling behavior with my mom, and doctors assuring us there was nothing wrong, we finally had concrete answers. Dad’s voice caught in his throat and tears welled in his eyes. He said the word we most feared.”
‘Boys, go to your room. I need to talk to mom.’ I knew the look of anguish, though I’d never seen it on his face. I’ll never forget the phone call that changed his world.’
“My (now) ex-husband took the call. ‘Bam, that was your sister. Your mom found him in the driveway in front of the garage. He had been out messing around in the yard.’”
‘I woke up in a different country, in a tattoo parlor, after a night of drinking. I have no idea how we were allowed on the plane. All I had was my passport.’
“I had no luggage, and was wearing my clothes from the night before. That night changed everything for me.”
‘You wonder, ‘Do they even know my name?’ All the nurses direct their attention to mom. Not one person notices your eyes swell with tears. You, too, are broken. I see you.’
“Your child enters this world silent and fragile. You allow your child’s mom to hold your precious little one first, but your hands shake with anticipation to hold the child you both created. You stand tall next to the woman you love, while inside, you are broken.”
‘Mrs. Fey, I’m sorry for getting in a fistfight during algebra, then calling you the B-word for breaking it up. And what did you do? You showed up at 7 a.m. to work with me one-on-one.’
“My parents were divorced, my father was addicted to painkillers. He was in jail most of high school. My mother and I weren’t getting along. None of this justifies how I acted, and it wasn’t your problem. You made my difficult life bearable.”
‘She wanted to crash a wedding, toilet paper a house and travel. I remember looking at her sitting there, thinking, ‘She will not be here much longer.’
“I will never forget the day she called me and told me. She was sorry and she didn’t understand why it was happening to her.”
‘My principal emailed me. She added another student to my roster. ‘But come talk to me when you get a chance. I have to tell you her story.’ Rewind 7 years.’
“She saw the terror in my eyes. The office lady leaned in to whisper, ‘The guidance counselor will be in shortly.’ He just stood there. Looking up at me with his big, empty, chocolate eyes. In that moment, I could peek into his soul. I knew I was in that classroom, at that moment, for him.”
‘Girl, I bet you’ll get pregnant right after you adopt. Just watch!’ It’s nails on a chalkboard when I hear that.’
“We didn’t adopt in order to become pregnant. I never want my sweet girl to think she was SECOND best. You are the absolute BEST thing that ever happened to me.”
‘My mama’s baby is going to come out of her crotch and it’s going to hurt! Then it’s going to eat milk from her boobies!’ My younger mom-self would have died. But, she’s not WRONG.’
“We were out shopping when an older woman approached me about my 5 kiddos. I’ve never minded the curiosity. After asking all of their ages, I said, ‘And another one on the way!’ Then, one of my 3-year-old twins had some extra information to share.”
‘That night started with a date and a bottle of wine I remember already being open. It had been 11 years. It was time to deal with it.’
“There are only two people who know exactly what I remember. Me, and a compassionate police detective. Late one evening, an email popped up with the name of that person’s ex-wife. The thing was, I became obsessed.”
‘It was like bringing up a child to die.’ I still had no diagnosis. The nurse checked if my skin was salty to confirm her suspicions.’
“I was rushed to the hospital into intensive care. I was not expected to survive, but luck seemed to be on my side. The nurse who was caring for me suspected what it was – her daughter also had it.”
‘I was woken by a call. ‘There is something wrong with Twin B.’ Seeing the name on my caller ID made my heart leap out of my throat. How could this happen to my little, happy fighter?’
“I was trying to wrap my head around it. How does a twin, leave the other twin behind? How do we live on without her? We received another call in the middle of the night. ‘She isn’t moving the right side of her body.’ Nothing was going to stop her.”
‘I blankly looked at the doctor. ‘What does this mean?’ He replied, ‘Hope you don’t go deaf.’ They gave me a discharge note. ‘I could drop dead at any time.’
“Would you ever think a blood clot could save your life? My phone dinged with a new email from the lab, I nervously signed in and opened the attachment. ‘No way!’ I shouted out loud, was I reading this right?”
‘I was over 600 pounds. I feared my wife would find me dead of a heart attack. I had two choices: lose weight or die.’
“I couldn’t walk more than a few hundred feet. People avoided me in public, as if being overweight was contagious. One parent used me as a lesson for their kid. ‘Look at him. This is what happens when you don’t eat right,’ she said.”
‘This sweet lady called me for 3 months thinking I was her grandson. She finally figured out I wasn’t Barry. She always ends her calls with, ‘love you, later.’
“I had just found out my parents were getting divorced. I struggled with it a lot. Her unexpected, wrong calls helped me so much. When she realized it was my number and not her grandson’s, I wondered if I would ever hear from her again. Well, I finally got to meet her.”
‘Doctors couldn’t figure out why I was so unlucky, they would tell my mom she was worried for nothing, kids my age are always sick. My mom knew something wasn’t right.’
“My mom noticed a hump on one side of my back but didn’t think anything of it. 3 weeks later the hump grew bigger.”
‘My wife sat me down. ‘We are going to adopt.’ l couldn’t bear letting her down. I wanted to yell out, ‘That’s not fair to the child.’ I had my first panic attack.’
“Despite my ‘advanced maternal age,’ everything looked great. We naively thought getting pregnant would be easy for us. I felt stuck in the middle of two worlds.”
‘I was ABANDONED on my grandma’s front porch with a note that said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ My own mother said those five words about me when I was only 8 months old.’
“I started dating a boy and, of course, I slept with him on our first date. Can you guess what happened next? Yes, we got pregnant. That’s when it happened. They pulled out this white stuff. ‘Hey, we are about to do this.’ I asked what ‘this’ was. ‘You don’t want any.’ In desperation, I told them I did.”
‘You have cancer? Lemon water will cure you. You have cancer? Just think positive, only negative people die from cancer.’
“A loved one recently said, out of the blue, ’Christa, for insomnia, limit your screen time before bed, get exercise, and eat well.’ I looked at him, with one cocked eyebrow and said, ‘Yes, I’ve been doing those things.’ Thanks Captain Obvious.”
‘I remember screaming into the phone, ‘I need help!’ Please get me help! I don’t know what’s wrong with her.’ Minutes go by and he hasn’t called. I’m starting to really panic.’
“I remember everything getting quiet and realizing my daughter wasn’t crying or screaming any longer. The only sound was me crying. At this point, she is in my arms, up on my shoulder, but her face is nuzzled in my chest and I can’t see her.”
‘My daughter, who is always listening, said, ‘I bet she will say, ‘OH, NO! It’s fine!’ But deep down, she will be angry at you.’ That is what my 9-year-old daughter has already learned. From me.’
“I lie awake after parties and wonder if my joke was taken the wrong way. Whose feelings did I hurt? I apologized to my daughter for my actions that lead her to think women had to hide. That pleasing people should be a top priority. The truth is enough.”
‘I finally turned to my mother, unsure of wanting to know the truth, and hesitantly asked, ‘Mom, am I going to die?’
“Before me, on a poorly lit screen, was a prognosis I never expected to read. Every website shattered my heart as I scanned the same words over and over, desperately hoping to read a different outcome.”
‘I will never forget her eyes. She looked directly at me, shouting to get the doctor. ‘What’s going on, what’s happening?’ ‘The cord is hanging out of you.’ ‘What does that mean?’
“I’m rolling down the hall looking at lights in the ceiling as I go by. I wake up and Jade’s standing there with Layla. But something isn’t right. I’m keeping a secret from everyone.”
‘It was massive, like carrying a lemon inside my boob. ‘Not me,’ I said. ‘No way, I have no family history of it.’ Now I was faced with another alarming decision. Boobs or no boobs?’
“I asked the doctor, ‘What happened to flat?’ He replied, ‘I thought you might change your mind.’ As I sat there blinking in awe, I thought to myself, ‘This guy is nuts, I can’t even speak.”