“This has been hard.
I know I can’t speak for everyone, but this quarantine has been the gasoline to some old habits.
I find myself thinking about one more glass of wine, or maybe I could find some old pain pills in the cupboards.
I mean, I am in pain after all.
I find myself eating one too many helpings and then immediately regretting everything in my body and having a deep desire for it to be out.
Or what about one cigarette? If there was ever a time I had a good excuse to start back up, now is that time.
I have been through it all, you guys, and admitting this publicly makes my skin crawl.
I don’t enjoy delving into the dark things I keep tucked away.
But why? How could someone that prays and worships and trusts God possibly have problems?
It’s the unknown.
The swamp of fatigue causes my addiction to stir. Like muscle memory, it whispers lies and deceit into my vulnerable soul. I peak into the scarred corners of my soul and tiptoe around, just for a second.
Then suddenly, like an avalanche, the floor falls in on itself and I’m left with heartache and guilt.
My streak is broken.
Please, friends, check on your people. If anyone you love has ever mentioned an addiction, I promise you, now is the time to check on them.
We’re not okay, and honestly, we don’t have the courage to tell you.
We know how much our mistakes hurt you, but we all need a little grace in these uncharted waters.
And for those of us wrestling with an old addiction, we just need to know it’s going to be okay.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Lindsey Carson of Love, Faith, and Tons of Grace. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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