‘Who holds the mom while she holds the baby?’: Woman shares reminder to check in on new moms

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“Who holds the mom while she holds the baby?

Why is it when a woman has a baby, we tend to put more focus on the baby than the mother? And I say ‘we’ because I’m including myself here.

As soon as a baby is born it’s:

‘How’s the baby doing?’

‘Is he sleeping well?’

‘Is he drinking well?’

‘When can we come see the baby?’

It is very seldom the mother is asked if she is sleeping well. Or if she is eating well. Or if she needs help. And it makes me sad, because as a mom myself, growing a baby for 9 months is hard. You lose your body, you lose yourself as an individual. People see a belly and suddenly that’s the only topic of conversation.

What about the mom who went through 9 months of pregnancy? What about the mom who is now staying up late, getting up every few hours, not being able to fully look after herself, never mind a baby? What about the mom who is just trying to hold herself together as she feels more of herself slipping away as she cares for her baby?

Who holds the mom while she holds the baby?

I’m convinced this is why postpartum depression exists to the extent it does. It’s not just hormonal. It’s the lack of support. The lack of focus on the woman who grew the baby. Without the woman, there would be no baby. So why do we not focus as much on the woman as the baby?

I’m not sure why I’m sharing this exactly. Maybe it’s because I’m having a hard day myself. I haven’t showered in two days. Jude hasn’t let me put him down today, he is fussy as usual and teething on top of it. Lyle is working until 7 p.m. tonight, so I’m on my own with two kids.

It’s a lot. But it really got me thinking about why so much attention is paid to the baby that’s living in luxury – in mom’s arms, fed regularly, sleeping regularly, played with, bathed, cleaned and happy – yet little attention is paid to the woman who is slaving away to keep the baby happy.

Motherhood is not easy. So just a gentle reminder to check on the mamas in your life. Hold her, even if it’s just by a loving message.”

mother sits on the couch knees pulled towards her with a big smile on her face
Courtesy of Jessie Buxton

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Jessie Buxton. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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