Feeling Alone
“I was married at the age of 23 and had my firstborn child at 24 years old, with two more beautiful children to follow. We were the happy couple, the family that was ‘perfect.’ As time passed, I started to lose myself along the way. I was crying myself to sleep at night, fulfilling my days with the busy chaos of everyday life, to the point of exhaustion. Distracting myself from my insecurities, the truth and the reality of my life behind closed doors. I thought if everyone was happy and felt loved, it was enough. I was becoming someone I didn’t know and someone I didn’t like. Deep inside me was a girl who no longer wanted to cry herself to sleep, but wanted to end her days in happiness. I needed to make a change and that change began with ME.
I started on a journey of health and wellness. I turned to doing energy healings, meditations, and yoga. Taking time out for myself was important to get to the core of who I am and to be the best I could be for myself and my family. My thoughts started to realign and I began the process of self-acceptance and truth. I started my days with an affirmation and finished my day with gratitude. Change began to happen.
The years told me what the days didn’t know and I was finally listening. I realized I was alone. I was lonely in my marriage. All my pleas and cries had fallen on deaf ears, promises of change that never happened. Glimpses of hope that were short lived. I thought to myself, I can’t live my life like this. Does love even exist? If it does, I deserve love in its purest form. I deserve happiness. I deserve affection. I deserve to be appreciated. I deserve to be heard and supported. I deserve to live!
Therapy
I was so scared. I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I didn’t want my kids to suffer. I prolonged the inevitable in hopes of change. To give my marriage all I was. We even went through couple’s therapy. I remember sitting in session, I asked my therapist, ‘Can you help me fall in love with him again?’ He told me, ‘If I could do that, I would wrap it up in a bottle and I would be a millionaire. No, I can’t.’ Our last session was the one that gave me the answer which validated what I already knew. Our last session was the one where I was told that when my ex was talking about our situation, and all he talked about was himself.
The therapist stopped him and said, ‘In this whole session, all you have talked about is yourself. Not once have you acknowledged your wife’s feelings.’ This very thing that was said, was my ‘AHA’ moment. A moment of realization. Nothing is going to change. It’s always about him. The big picture was never seen because I was never heard. I was done. I was done with living by the opinions of others. I found the courage and strength to be able to live up to my truth. I could no longer live on in this cycle of false hope. I chose to be authentic by honoring my heart space and made the decision to end my marriage.
Divorce
DIVORCE. Here I was. I was in a place I had never thought I would be. This life-changing event put me through hell. Some days I didn’t know if I could get through it. Days of nothing but tears and hurt. Intentional cruelty, lies, and rumors which not only affected me, but my children as well. I lost a lot of friends. People who chose sides, chose to believe the lies. I realized sometimes people are just a short-lived part of my story and life is making room for others to be a part of my life. All I could do was accept what was and change my perspective. React with kindness and grace and have faith; sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.
I began to take the steps to live an authentic life. To get down to the nitty gritty pits, owning up to the hurts, forgiving myself and others and breathing love and life back into my life. Here I was, a single mom with three kids. Recently out of a nineteen-year relationship. Taking life a day at a time. Of course, I had a plan. My plan was to be alone. I am not ready for dating. I just wanted time for myself. Well, life doesn’t always go according to plan. Life had a plan of its own. Not knowing what my life was going to look like, I trusted my heart, lived in the moment, and my path crossed so unexpectedly with this amazing man. I met Cory.
What started as a friendship undeniably grew into more and it grew at a very difficult time in my life. Our love flourished, like a lotus flower that grows in the mud. With an open heart, I trusted in the process. My faith guided me down this path of certainty and clarity. I fell in love with who I was. I found this girl inside my soul who used to dream. All my hopes and inspirations surfaced to a reality and this fun, exuberant light of a woman blossomed from this love. I began to dance in the rain.
Blended Family
As the days passed and in good time, everything fell into place naturally. We became a family, blended so beautifully together. We are now seven. We embrace our children together by bringing them elements of love and inspiration. We hope our love and affection will inspire them in their lives.
Just shy of three years now, we are engaged. I am blissfully so in love. Cory gave me reason to open my heart again. I am so grateful I did because he truly loves me and I love him, and we are in love with us. I found my soulmate, my ride or die, my best friend, my love, my always and forever. I found love I never knew existed, a connection of love that goes far beyond this lifetime. A love so deep, no words on earth can describe the magnitude of its existence.
I am so grateful I get to live the rest of my life feeling his love and loving him. He loves me with all of his heart, he protects me, fulfills me, and completes me. His heart makes me smile. His touch is felt so deep within my soul, I can look into his eyes and know I am home. No matter how much time I have here, I would rather have a moment of this love than a lifetime without it.
Our love is very simple and we never want perfect. We cherish the things that make us so beautifully different, yet we value the things we both love. We have taught one another to fully live in the moment, and this comes with honoring our past. I hope my story inspires you. Whether it’s to find who you are, to discover love does exist, or to find that light and love within your soul to live your best authentic life.
Be a seeker of everyday magic! Life is magical, know it exists. There are miracles and magic all around you. Be preset and live the moment. Reconnect with yourself and take in all the amazing experiences life has to offer. Know love is the highest form of vibration. Share love, give love, and do what you love.
Live with gratitude. Recognize the blessings around you. Honor your truth, embrace who you are, know who you are and be proud. Have fun in life. Nothing more magical than letting loose and having fun. Surround yourself with a positive support system, like-minded people like you. Be brave enough to live the life you love. Have the courage to live it your way. Believe in the magic of new beginnings, because true love does exist and it’s so magically beautiful.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Sarah. You can follow their journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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