“I felt disgusted with myself. Why couldn’t I just put the pump down? I knew this decision would allow me more time to hold my baby, yet I was still holding on to this expectation of myself. I didn’t want to be strapped to a machine that was yielding no results…. Yet here I was.”
“Y’all. Things got worse. ‘MOM! The basement is leaking!’ In that 3.5 seconds, my doorbell rings. I run down because my pea-sized BRAIN forgets to process ‘put on pants.’ It’s the plumber I completely forgot I called. Steve goes downstairs. I have 15 minutes. Guess who is wrong? Yup. Me again. Steve done come BACK into the house while I’m laying down a quick colombian hot sloppy in the bathroom.”
“We stood in astonishment. Prior to this, he’d only known how to say one word: ‘Dog.’ My wife and I leaned in to tell him we loved him. He looked up again and said, ‘I love you.’ We held his little hand, his little frail body in my arms, and begged him to visit us. I asked him to watch over his siblings. We put him in the black Suburban, and watched them drive away.”
“This is what they will always be to you. But dang it if I don’t want to go back to that time when he looked up at his big sister, and was so proud. This year I’ll send that murderous clown out into the neighborhood hoping he’s polite and that people can see past his horrific costume.”
“‘You can be a Mom. You don’t need a husband.’ I couldn’t ignore how her words resonated with the deepest part of my heart. ‘Can I really do this?’ I asked the nurse, ‘is everything okay?’ She shook her head and said, ‘no.’ I was disoriented. ‘What are you saying?’ This pulled a strength out of me I never knew I had.”
“‘Hey Girl, what you up to?’ ‘That’s my cousin, I’ll introduce ya.’ She motioned him over. Jasper winked and walked back to the car. ‘Girl he is waaaay too old for you,’ she cautioned. ‘Age ain’t nothing but a number. I like the way he looks.’ I was smitten.”
“I’m battling Susan at Aldi because she has 4 items less than me and wants to go in front. It’s having eggplants thrown at me fast and hard by an angry check out assistant. If I make it too yellow will my 5-year-old have a hernia because it looks like it’s been touched by a vegetable?”
“I can’t wait to see what my angelic 5-year-old is up to today. I open the album titled ‘recess’ and OH MY GOSH – There. She. Was. IN ALL HER GLORY. I immediately called my husband. WHO DESIGNED THIS PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT?! I am cryyyyiinnngg. This is not a drill. I repeat… this is NOT a drill.”
“I find myself angry. Angry I am here asking a search engine stupid, little questions almost every one else in my life gets to talk to their mom about. I never realized how many things I would still need to ask, until the option wasn’t there anymore. The worst part? Every time, the grief hits me hard all over again.”
“‘There’s been an accident.’ Silence. My doorbell rang. 6 uniformed agents were at my front door. ‘Leave your daughter here, they will watch her, you need to come with me.’ I was hesitant, but sensed the urgency in their voices. No one knows how long he had been laying there. I froze. I kept thinking it was a joke. Scott was a huge prankster. I just kept hoping his eyes would open.”
