Grieving Mothers Need Grace And Compassion, Not Judgement

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“Oh, the grieving mother. She can’t do anything right, can she?

If she grieves publicly, then she’s doing it for attention. Yet if she doesn’t say anything out loud, she isn’t grieving her baby.

If she talks about the one she lost, then she isn’t caring for her living children. But if she gives her living children attention, then she isn’t mourning the one she lost.

If she is having a hard time, then she is stuck in her grief and needs to move on. Yet if she gets out of bed and lives her life, she is moving forward too quickly.

God forbid she ever smiles, laughs, or feels any joy at all after her loss because it would mean she doesn’t love her dead baby.

Mom and daughters take family pictures.
Courtesy of Vikki J. Photography

The grieving mother can’t do anything without being met with judgment. With comments that echo, ‘If my baby died, I would _____,’ or ‘I wouldn’t _____.’ But the people who say these things don’t really know, do they?

The people who say these things are always those who haven’t come close to what the bereaved mother has experienced.

They haven’t had to watch their child suffer in the hospital and fight for their life. Or hold their dying baby while its tiny body turned blue in their arms. Or go to check on their babes, only to find them cold and lifeless in their bed. Or have the promise of life be ripped from their grasp as they deliver a silent, still baby.

Parents hold their dead baby for a final time.
Courtesy of Breinne Chavers

If you knew, if you really knew, your views would be different. Your judgment would melt away and you would know the grieving mother doesn’t need your advice. Instead, a little bit of grace, a whole lot of love, and compassion.

And remember, however you choose to proceed, and whatever you decide to say about the grieving mother, says a lot more about you and your character than it does about hers.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters  by Breinne Chavers of Ontario, CA. You can follow her journey on Instagram and on her website. Submit your own story  hereand be sure to  subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and  YouTube for our best videos.

Read Breinne’s full story here:

‘I’d lie on the bathroom floor and tell God I was ready; he could take me. I’ll never be fully healed.’: Mom loses 6-day-old son to rare metabolic disorder, shares reality of grief

‘I’m seeing something.’ My heart sank. This is it. I’ve lived a good life. She pointed to the screen. ‘That’s a yolk sac.’: Mom’s ovarian mass ultrasound turned surprise baby discovery

‘I’d choose a brain-damaged baby over a dead baby any day. People who act like I should be relieved hurt me deeply.’: Bereaved mom exposes stigma toward persons with disability

‘The hospital days don’t seem as horrific now. If I could relive them, I’d do it in a heartbeat.’: Grieving mom urges ‘soak up every single second’ after losing newborn

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