‘How are you holding up?’ I gripped the steering wheel, my eyes so blurry I couldn’t see the road. She isn’t a friend I talk with often, but she’s a friend who asks the tough questions, and then just shuts up.’: Woman thankful for true friend during hardships

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“When my mom was diagnosed with advanced cancer and I had a newborn along with a potty-training two-year-old, I had a friend who truly listened.

She isn’t a friend who I see often. She isn’t even a friend who I talk with often.

But she’s a friend who asks the tough questions and then just shuts up.

You see, when my mom endured cancer and my life did a 180, a lot of people were concerned—genuinely. However, few truly listened.

They’d say things like, ‘God only gives you what you can handle,’ or ‘Everything happens for a reason.’

Or they’d tell me about their grandma or aunt who survived, or didn’t survive, cancer—quickly making my pain about themselves.

But this other friend, she just shut up.

When my mom was first diagnosed, she called me on the phone as I was driving alone. ‘How are you holding up?’ she asked. I gripped the steering wheel and told her how my biggest fear was that my children would have no memories of their grandmother. My eyes became blurry as I tried to see the road.

She didn’t try to diminish my pain or make it about herself. She didn’t try to shine a stupid rainbow when there was a monsoon in my view.

Later, after months of being a stay-at-home-mom and caring for my mother, she asked, ‘How are you really doing?’ I painted a smile on my face and told her I was fine. She gave me THE LOOK—you know, the ‘don’t BS with me’ look. So, I told her that there were times I’d escape to my bathroom just to cry.

Again, she just stayed quiet.

She wasn’t there to give me advice or give me some silver lining. She sat there with me in my pain and let me know that it was okay to have it.

The irony is that this friend apologizes to me about not being a good friend because we can’t physically be together a lot. But she doesn’t have to be.

Because all anyone has to do to be a good friend is shut up, let you express your pain, and never, EVER, try to throw rainbows at it.”

Courtesy of Angela Anagnost-Repke

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Angela Anagnost-Repke, and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on FacebookSubmit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

Read more from Angela:

‘They weren’t just born to rock the boat, they were born to build a new one. Strong-willed kids are a lot, but the world needs them.’: Mom to ‘tiny torpedo’ says strong-willed kids ‘will always be worth the struggle’

‘It’s okay, Chris,’ my mother said to him. ‘I’m here.’ My father was groaning in immense pain. Tears fell onto my jeans.’: Woman finds true meaning of marriage during father’s battle with cancer

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