“I hear it a lot, stay-at-home mothers feeling guilty for spending ‘their husband’s’ money.
We go from being independent women, who make an income, buy ourselves what we want, travel, cars, we have an independent life, to women who have more holes in our underwear than pennies. And any small money we have goes to our children.
The problem isn’t that we can’t get a job. Some of us were lawyers, doctors, social workers, chefs, teachers, administrative workers. And the problem isn’t that going back to work and trying to juggle school pick-ups and baby’s and childcare fees that wipe out a whole week’s salary while coming home and doing it all is exhausting and hard. It’s the fact we aren’t recognized for the hard work we are already doing.
We don’t even recognize it ourselves. There’s been so many times where I’ve heard stay-at-home mothers ask to buy something, like they are 15 years old again. Asking for $10 to buy a bra.
It’s no longer ours, it’s HIS money. And if he wants to buy $400 shoes, well he can, because he worked.
But what about you? Raising kids, cleaning the house, cooking, making repairs, appointment keeping, working 24 hours 7 days a week. Are our lives now worth nothing where we are reduced to asking to buy ourselves a necessity?
Actually, I read a scientific study done by a working dad that said mothers would earn $148,000 a year if they were paid. Crazy right?
We are lucky to be with our children; we are privileged, yes. Settle down, Nancy, we know we are blessed. We are not ungrateful, but we go through a lot, and losing our identity and becoming or being made to feel like a financial burden is one. Being looked at like we are scum when we do work and have to leave to get sick kids isn’t fun. Sometimes we simply can’t win.
Mothers who stay home, you are not inadequate. You are not a burden. What you bring to your home is contributing. You should not have to ask, if money is there, for necessities. You’re not some lazy woman who drains the credit card on shoes and screw anyone who talks like that.
And partners who work, I implore you, treat your spouse like a partner, like an equal. You created these children together. Money does not give you the power in a relationship. That is not what relationships are about. Using money as a form of power is a form of abuse.
Successful relationships need to discuss budgets, talk about their needs, and be a part of a team. Treat the mother of your children like just that. The mother of your children. And don’t ever let her ask you for money for a bra.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run, where it originally appeared. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.
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