‘I stared at the edge of divorce with a man I desperately love. He is not a mind reader.’: Wife says ‘perfection is not real’ in marriage, ‘It’s never too late to say I’m sorry, I love you’

“There are 5 things I learned when staring at the edge of divorce with a man I desperately love:

1. He is not a mind reader.

I can’t expect him to know I want help with the dishes. Or that I wanted my day to go a certain way. That he hurt me and didn’t respond to it the way I expected, and my resentment built. He learned I’m not a mind reader either and I don’t know if he’s exhausted or wants a minute. So, in order to function, we must COMMUNICATE about everything; how we feel, what we want.

2. Expectations.

Having tasks expected of me or him doesn’t work. Especially if it’s expected of me to cook and clean and responsibility of the children fall on me… because what happens on the days, I can’t do it? Or the days I feel like I’ve failed? Or if I get a job? Or if he can’t work? And vice versa. Our house is our job. Our children are our job. It’s equal.

3. Trust is everything, but so is vulnerability.

I am not a perfect wife. I get jealous. I’ve snooped through his phone. I’ve done things I’m not proud of.

I have insecurities. I worry I’m not good enough. I’ve been cheated on. I’m a child of divorce. Of abuse. I know how relationships can go. I know broken. But to have a partner who understands my vulnerability, that I express to him through communicating, who sees my anguish as an opportunity to help me heal and to encourage me to go on a journey through therapy to heal on my own, is everything.

We trust each other because we built trust. Blind trust doesn’t come natural for some.

4. Perfection. It’s not real.

This photo has filters on it. Much of what we compare in life does. But our truth is what matters, we can’t compare it to others’. Love happens but so does life. White knights and rose petals falling from the sky are for movies.
Fighting, tears, vomit, laughing till 3am, Netflix, ignoring each other on our phones and farting in front of each other, is real life.

5. It’s never too late to say I’m sorry, or I love you. I chose love and a life with him; pride has no place in love.”

Courtesy Laura Mazza

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza, where it originally appeared. Follow Laura on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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