“Today I left my house for my first week of work outside the house since March 17th.
My son Thad ran down the stairs before I walked out the door to give me one final hug with tears in his eyes. Elise sobbed and clung to me last night before she fell asleep.
It doesn’t get said enough how hard parenting is…but add a global pandemic to the mix and it’s like, hardy hard.
Let me be clear–I love my kids with a love I didn’t know existed. But I have not been a good mom over the last few months.
I was short-tempered. I yelled excessively. I struggled to listen to their stories. I couldn’t tolerate the messes that came with being stuck in our house day in and day out.
I felt like a failure…a lot, yet they still loved me. They still sought out my hand when we sat on the couch. They still asked for another hug before bed. I still remained their safe place.
I put in a full day at work today and I came home a new woman. I actually made the supper that I had planned to make. I sat and looked at ALL of Thad’s rocks that he found while outside. I listened to Theo’s story about the YouTube video he watched today. I sat and read 7 books to Elise tonight. I was a little more ‘me.’
I’m a better mom when I work outside the home. I’m embarrassed to say it.
My mom was an amazing stay-at-home Mom. I have so many friends that thrive in that role. But I can’t do it well. I feel like it makes me less of a woman…but it needs to be said because I know I can’t be alone.
I wish I could be the super mom with the crafts and baked goods and patience required to listen to my kids explain a play-by-play of their basketball game that they played against each other. But…I just am not that person. Maybe you aren’t either.
But, it’s okay. Because today I was able to be more like the mom I want to be because I worked. And I’m okay with that.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Kate Jimenez. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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