“You can tell in the way I organize and clean and de-clutter. I start on one project, get half-way done, walk into another room, start something in there, then return to the original room and piddle around there. Before you know it, what started out as cleaning out the junk drawer turns out being cleaning out the junk in every single corner of every single cabinet in every single room. There is absolutely no organization to my attempting to organize.
So, there I am, sitting on the floor in the bedroom surrounded by at least six trash bags full of clothes to donate, maybe four trash bags of actual trash, piles of clothes to be cleaned, piles of clothes for a garage sale, and I’m taking pictures of my jewelry to put on a local trading Facebook site, when my husband walks in and goes ‘what in the world is going on?’
And I immediately start laughing hysterically because I realize the madness I’ve created. Two seconds later, I start crying hysterically because I realize the madness I’ve created. Then, I start laughing again because I’m not really sure why I’m crying, what day it is, or what’s going on.
‘Sooooooo…can I help with anything? Are you okay in here?’ my husband asks.
‘I’m fine. It’s just. It’s just never-ending. It’s just never going to end. Can we just move and start over?’ I sigh.
Isn’t that the way motherhood goes?
You clean one room, meanwhile, your children are destroying a different area of the house. You finish the laundry, then your kids take off their clothes to put on pajamas. You finish the dishes, and your kids ask for a snack. And another snack. And another snack.
You clean the living room, go to bed exhausted, wake up far too early, start getting everyone and everything ready for school, and in thirty minutes, the house looks like Oscar the Grouch threw up everywhere. So, you drop the kids off at school, come back home and clean the mess from the morning, then go pick the kids up from school, then watch them destroy everything you worked so hard to do in the six hours they were gone.
When they’re babies, you worry they aren’t growing like they should. You worry they aren’t eating like they should. You definitely worry they aren’t sleeping like they should.
When they’re kids, you worry they aren’t learning like they should. You worry they aren’t interacting with other kids like they should. You worry they are too bogged down with homework and activities and sports and they aren’t playing like they should.
When they’re teenagers… well when they’re teenagers, you worry about everything. You worry they aren’t being safe while they’re driving like they should. You worry they don’t know how to have healthy relationships like they should. You worry they aren’t focusing on the future like they should. You worry about that girl, or that boy you just straight-up don’t trust not to break their heart.
And when they’re in college, you still worry. You worry about majors and study habits and party habits. You worry they don’t know the value of a dollar, or how cruel the world can be. You worry they don’t take things seriously. You worry they take things too seriously. You worry they are taking too many chances. You worry they are being too reckless. You worry they aren’t thinking their decisions all the way through.
And then they graduate – Yay! You can finally stop worrying! Wrong, because you still worry. You worry about stress-levels, and them marrying the right person, and them choosing the right career, and them moving too far away. You worry they won’t ask for help when they need it. You worry about things like sickness and depression and divorces and job losses.
Isn’t that the way motherhood goes?
But the good news is, and it’s the best news really, is that no, the cleaning and the worrying never ends — there will always be dishes to scrub and groceries to buy. Your body won’t get much rest, and neither will your mind, because the weight of motherhood never stops running around that hamster wheel, but neither does the fact that those are your babies.
You gave birth to them (or maybe you adopted them, and that is every bit as beautiful), and from that very moment, you’re a mother and your life will never be the same again. You raised them, you cared for them, you protected them, you taught them, you gave life to them and then you just kept on giving them every single thing and emotion you had.
You drove them places. They drove you crazy. You forgave them, you gave them grace, and most of all, you loved them with every ounce of your body and your being.
And that love, well it’s never-ending, momma.
Nobody and nothing can ever take it away from you, and that is the way motherhood goes.
It’s never-ending. It’s yours for life, and for generations after you’re gone.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Amy Weatherly. The article originally appeared here. Follow Amy on Twitter here. Submit your story here, and be sure to subscribe to our best love stories here.
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