“Hi, I’m Alex, I’m a 19 year old, trans and gay dad to my 14-month-old son, Gray. Yes, you read that right.
The story starts about 5 or 6 years ago when I came out as transgender. I was born female, and during my teenage years I felt very different. I didn’t feel like a female, I had many male friends and associated more with them. I was confused in the beginning as I had no idea what LGBTQ+ was, let alone ‘transgender.’ At 15, I came out as trans to a few close friends and family, and it was terrifying coming out so young. At 16, I decided to come out socially, and I cut my hair off and changed my name. For the first time, I felt somewhat free within myself. I had a lot of different reactions, like people feeling unhappy with the change at the beginning and growing supportive, to being completely supportive from the start. I’m sad that I did lose some friends, but so lucky my family is very supportive and have always had my back.
Fast forward to age 18, I fell pregnant with my son. I was terrified, but so excited to grow my own little family. I was scared to tell friends and family, ‘I am carrying a child and I’ll also be his dad.’ Thankfully, I got a lot of support! Falling pregnant was a massive surprise, I had no plans for children and hadn’t really given it much thought at that point. But, what a blessing!
I always had a perception of what ‘outside people’ would act like when I told them, ‘I carried my son as a dad.’ I get asked a lot of questions from curious people which I am more then happy to answer, but I also find those who have negative things to say. Sadly, I’m sure any LGBTQ+ person has encountered those types of comments.
I was very thankful for all the doctors and nurses who didn’t misgender me and called me ‘dad’ from the start. They were so amazing with all their support of me being a pregnant man. I’m so lucky I had such great people in my life my entire pregnancy, from beginning to end.
Holding my son for the first time was such a beautiful moment, but at the same time, terrifying. I was holding him and all I can remember is being scared and thinking, ‘He’s mine and I have to look after him… and parenting doesn’t come with any notes or rule book!’ I became a single parent when Gray was 5 or 6 months old and it was so much harder to manage all his needs. But it’s all worth all the difficult times when he laughs, smiles and says dad. He’s recently learned how to blow kisses and it melts my heart when he does.
After giving birth, I decided to go ahead with my full medical transition. At around 6 months after Gray was born, I started testosterone, which meant lots of doctors appointments all over the U.K. I finally found a few doctors who gave me a prescription which made my day, being able to finally have testosterone felt amazing. I felt I was one step closer to the man I see myself. Support wise during my transition I have my family, but mainly I am my main support system and I am the one pushing myself more and more to reach my end goal. Hormones definitely change you mentally and physically and it can be tough, especially with a son at home. I am strong and always find a way to manage.
Being a trans and gay dad can be isolating as there aren’t many people in the same position. Even when I find them, they are in other cities, counties and countries. Luckily, I’ve found so many online friends who are all going through the same thing, and it makes me feel like I’m not alone and can talk to someone who knows exactly what it’s like. I also have a lot of LGBTQ+ parenting friends who are definitely a massive help.
I wouldn’t have been able to survive my journey without the people in my life especially at my lowest of lows. I am very thankful to each and every one of them. I have many goals for my future. I want to have surgery, and buy my own house. As a single parent, I want to push myself to make Gray’s life the best it can be.
I often get asked about if I want more children, and I don’t. I have Gray, he is amazing and all I need. I am focusing on the two of us and getting us to our goals.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Alex Johnson. Follow his journey on Instagram. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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