‘I lost my capacity to bathe. Drowning, my depression took a dark, deep turn. And then came the muffins.’: Trauma survivor touched by friend’s kindness long after ‘world moved on’

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“Long after the last meal is delivered and the last sympathy card is sent, people’s pain lingers on.

I know this because I’ve been the recipient of many warm meals.

That’s what happens when you’ve lived through a lot of trauma like I have: abuse, cancer, infertility, two children with autism, a spouse found unresponsive on our bedroom floor.

If you’re lucky, when things go bad the good rushes in. A tidal wave of support engulfs you.

But, slowly, people return to their everyday lives—and rightfully so.

We can’t expect someone to grieve at the same pace as us forever.

But the problem is, the pain remains.

As the world moved on without me, my circumstances remained the same.

My kids will always have a disability.

My husband will always have a failing heart.

And sometimes it feels like you’re forgotten, like you’re out on the island of pain and suffering all alone.

Sometimes it feels like support would be more appropriately offered not when tragedy occurs, but six months later.

After all, years may pass, yet here we remain, still teaching my children basic human instincts like eye contact and speech.

And then came the muffins.

apple muffins that change
Courtesy of Stephanie Hanrahan

During the center of our storm, that summer when every single family member of mine received a life-altering diagnosis, my friend delivered homemade apple crisp muffins to our doorstep.

New foods are a challenge for my daughter, who has adverse sensory needs due to her autism, but she devoured every bite of that delicious baked good.

A small miracle that still brings me to tears.

You see, at the time those muffins showed up on my doorstep, I had lost my capacity to bake.

In fact, I had lost my capacity to even bathe.

I was drowning in grief and loss and fear of the unknown.

My depression had taken a dark and deep turn.

So the fact that someone gave my child what I couldn’t—kindness and cake—was an exceptional lifesaving act of love.

It’s been three years since that summer.

Since the demolition and rebuilding of my faith and family.

But every year, no matter what, apple muffins appear on my doorstep addressed to my daughter.

The meals have stopped.

Most people have indeed moved on.

No one asks anymore about autism or our daily challenges as a family walking through chronic illness.

But every year, you remember us.

The best thing we can do for another human being is to consistently show up for them.

Small sentiments make a big impact.

They let people know their pain matters.

May we always remember the importance of kindness—and cake.”

little girl in purple top enjoying apple muffins
Courtesy of Stephanie Hanrahan

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Stephanie Hanrahan. Follow Stephanie on Facebook here, Instagram here and visit her website hereSubmit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.

Read more from Stephanie here: 

‘My Son’s teacher recently friended me on social media. I came upon a picture of her holding a chalkboard sign that read, ‘I said YES!’ She’s already married, so it struck me as odd.’

‘That’s when I heard the thud. The sound of a two-hundred-plus pound body hitting the nightstand next to our bed. A healthy, thirty-one-year old, former athlete doesn’t just drop.’

‘I wrote a stranger. ‘Help me. I’m scared. Please. I need to understand my daughter.’ I begged her to give me the secret. ‘Will we be okay?’ Real-life ‘princess’ helps ease mother’s fears over daughter’s autism diagnosis

‘You have the perfect family.’ That’s what they saw. A life tied up in a pretty little bow. No one could’ve known what was happening behind closed doors.’

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