Truths about having three kids:
1. ‘The third child doesn’t fit in.’ Whoever made up this garbage has never done a school/kindergarten run and secretly wished it was legal to leave a sleeping baby in car (cold and rainy days only, I’m not a total monster).
2. Even travel agencies don’t like the idea… deals for two adults and two children? You bet… two adults and three children? Get the heck outta here and pay full price, ya filthy animals.
3. Someone is always really loud and trying to destroy someone’s nap time. I’ve never said ‘shhh’ and whispered, ‘Shut your pie hole,’ so much in my life!
4. With two, you high-fived your husband as you passed each other to show you’re still in this together. With three, you can barely lift your arm up to acknowledge each other.
5. New car… you can’t squeeze three car seats in a Honda Civic anymore Sharon. You gotta buy a minivan… and you better LIKE IT and act like you were never anti-minivan.
6. You drop all your balls. And I’m not talking about Hubby’s 🤭 You can’t juggle three. one child is bungee jumping off the couch, middle child is being a neglected middle child and screaming for attention by sticking a fork in an electrical socket, and baby number three ate his own poo. (This was a real-life scenario)
7. As above, you are outnumbered, so outings are mental. I’m that mom where someone will bring my child to me and say, ‘Is this little girl yours?’ And of course, I’ll say ‘no.’ What?? I need a vacation.
8. Your middle child who was known as the Usain-Bolter-drop-the-whole display-of-tampons-over-while-screaming-like-a-banshee-take-no-prisoner-second-child, is now your middle child… good luck with that. Save for your therapy bill from now. Oh, and theirs of course. #miserablemiddlechild
9. No more brisk walks or coughing… and you know why. 💧💦
10. I am yet to see the bottom of my laundry, not the basket, the floor.
11. Ditto for the kitchen. ‘Is that mouse poop or a raisin?’
12. I can drown out crying now, because someone’s always crying. Most times it’s me.
13. My garbage smells like a slaughterhouse because I’m drowning in crappy diapers.
14. No one wants to babysit your kids. ‘Yes hello, I’ve got three kids and I -…. hello?? Hello are you there?’
15. When one child is not home or napping, it feels like spring break! And I’m whipping off my bra! Jokes. I don’t own one… three kids mean I have no money for bras… or new underwear without holes for that matter.
16. Science says parents of three kids are more stressed than parents of two or four… and if my husband wanted a fourth child, I’d leave him and marry Ricky Martin… and we know the odds of that happening. That’s how extreme it is with three right now.
17. Sleep is… wait, what is sleep? Sometimes I close my eyes when I cough and fart at the same time and hope no one can see or smell me. That’s kinda the same, yeah?
18. First kid has an abundance of photos and the third kid has an album on your phone that says ‘Print this.’
19. Bedtime is like Jumanji. You gotta keep playing in life threatening and compromising situations and when you finally get to the end, someone cries so you gotta start all over again.
20. Ditto with sex…
21. One child becomes your favorite. I don’t care who says that’s wrong, but you know who’s never wrong? My third child… 😍
22. You think your heart can’t grow anymore with another child and boom! That child comes into your life and your heart stretches even wider… much like something else in your life.
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run, where it originally appeared. Follow Laura on Instagram here. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.
Read more stories from Laura:
‘She’s not broken’: To the man whose wife or partner has anxiety
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