“Back in my day, children would play until the streetlights came on, ride their bikes all day, and jump in creeks to cool off. Kids got dirty and sweaty and weren’t expected to come home until dinner was ready.” — Everyone on Facebook
It was an amazing time to be alive, but you know what? Today isn’t so shabby either.
Although I don’t seem to be making good on my school bus promise of flying cars by 2020, there are a few things today’s moms have that would blow your ’80s moms’ minds, and I’m not talking about the super-hyped wipe-warmer or overrated Diaper Genie. I’m talking about the simple pleasures that truly make us #blessed:
1. TVs in cars. I don’t care if there’s no television in your house and your kiddo’s idea of a good time is studying Latin. When your kids start to argue in the car, the easiest way to solve it is to pop in Harry Potter or Star Wars. It’s mesmerizing. When I was a kid, the five-hour drive to Grandma’s was a chorus of license plate bingo and pretending to shoot boogers at passing cars.
2. Smartphones. What was parenting like before we could plug our kids’ symptoms into WebMD (polio) and ask our judgy Mom’s Group how to treat it (essential oils) all in a matter of thirty seconds? And what, pray tell, would your mother have given to have directions to literally anywhere, a television, grocery delivery, and her entire Rolodex in the palm of her hand? Her firstborn, that’s what (sorry if it’s you).
3. YouTube. I have a feeling the policy limiting access to this incredible technology in the ’80s would have gone something like this: Screen time, schmeen time! Drink it in, kiddos. I’m off to have a smoke at the mall, where there are public ashtrays the size of Buicks as far as the eye can see and no one talks about the inevitable health consequences. It’s tubular.
4. Toilets. Yes, toilets. It used to be that parents would base their potty decisions on comfort and style alone. On my last toilet shopping adventure, I found one with a big, bright label that said, “Flushes a bucket of golf balls in a single flush,” and I knew it was my soulmate. I never imagined this would be the criteria, but here I am living the dream, and I will tell you it is a game changer.
5. Amazon. Christopher Lloyd himself could not have come back from the future to explain how awesome it is to have anything, ANYTHING, delivered to your doorstep in two days — for free. I clearly remember my mom driving an hour each way for a new set of napkin rings every time we had a fancy guest over.
This is just the tip of the futuristic iceberg. Now, excuse me. I’ve got to go find out where the Amazon Treasure Truck is. Wait until I tell my mom we can buy deeply discounted seafood off the back of a brightly shrink-wrapped RV! Click those napkin rings, add to cart, and seize the day!
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