“I grew up wondering how a parent could choose drugs over me. Wondering why the bottle had more appeal than how I feel. How a parent could be addicted to drugs and alcohol, but not addicted to the love from their child. I cried myself to sleep, I would scream with anger and hate.
I wondered what it would be like if my parent wasn’t making mistakes.
I grew up with resentment in my heart, and longing for their love. I wondered how someone could do the things they did to their own blood.
But as I grew older, I learned so much. It wasn’t that they didn’t love me, it’s that they didn’t love themselves enough.
For years I watched them in and out of rehabs and mental hospitals. Wondering which one would fix their brokenness. When they would come home, I would wonder which relapse would be the last.
When is the time, that will be their last?
I feared for the future, and I felt the pain of the past.
My mind wandered and wondered how they could touch another drug, and pickup another glass, when I was begging to be the one to help them get past it.
Being a child of an addict will follow you your whole life. But just because it is part of your past, doesn’t mean it’s your path.
You can heal.
You can break the cycle.
Do all you can, to avoid repeating that path. So your child doesn’t need to sit there and ask everything you did. They won’t have to feel all that pain, you felt as a kid.
To all the generational curse breakers, you did it. Not just for yourself, not just for your own child, you changed the path for all of those to come, you just did what people thought couldn’t be done. All of those ropes have come undone.
You freed your family, from the hurt and pain. You made it through the storm and all the heavy rain.
I’m proud of you.
I hope you’re proud.
I hope you take a second and show yourself some love, take a second to say, ‘I did it. It stopped here,’ out loud.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole. Follow her journey on Instagram and Facebook, and her blog. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
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