“I think you break up in your relationship many times. You fall out of love many times.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t get really, really annoyed at my husband.
I go from loving him to hating his guts over a period of 24 hours. I never thought that would ever happen to us. Ever.
I was so in love you couldn’t physically pull our eyes away from each other.
I’m learning about love after kids, and it’s hard. See, no one really tells you about that, how you’ll dance on such a thin line of ending it all and sticking it out. Some people say they loved each other more after having children… I think that’s surely got to be a crock.
There’s no more time for us, or time to heal from us. We argue and we have to make up because we need each other in our parenting world. The harsh words have to be quickly forgotten because ‘we need wipes’ is the conversation that needs to be had. But resentment still builds. The pain of the words still lingers.
And despite well-meaning suggestions of always putting ourselves first, it doesn’t always happen. Babysitters are so expensive.
I keep seeing so much about appreciating what you’ve got, seeing the bright side, and I’m sad to say I don’t always do that with my marriage.
I look at the greener side, other couples who banter, or go out and I envy them.
But I decided to open my eyes a little wider because I thought all those messages ‘see the best in people’ must be telling me something. They must be a sign.
And I watched.
And I saw a really good dad. A really proud, giving dad. A dad that co-parents with me.
I asked to sleep in an extra hour, and he gave me three.
I told him I was feeling so exhausted, and he ordered takeout. He rubs cream on my eczema. He asks me how my day was.
When the baby goes down for the night, it’s him that gets up so I can have some rest.
Yes, it’s so simple, but simple is all we have now. Simple is the big things now. He’s not delivering 10,000 roses to me, but he will buy me sweet chili Grain Waves chips because I told him it was my favorite one time because he was always coming home with chili chips. He does all this, because he does love me.
I took the time to see the best in him, and it made me appreciate what I have. I realized that it’s so easy to be angry and be annoyed and resentful. We are not perfect, there’s lots we need to work on. But I think those feelings mean there is still so much love there. It’s when you stop caring all together, that’s when you’re in trouble. I think we can, with a little work, get to a place where we look at each other like that again, where we can’t pull our eyes away from each other. Where we can find a new normal and learn to eat sweet chili Grain Waves and chili chips together and appreciate the best in each other. And fall in love again.”
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