“My mother remarried when I was 19 and didn’t include me in her wedding. My parents got divorced when I was 3 and my father died when I was 18. My mother married the man she had been dating a year later.
At the time my mother remarried, I was in a deep depression, trying to heal from all the years of sexual, mental and physical abuse I had been through since I was very young. Yes, I was a lot back then. I was self harming, on medication for depression and started getting tattoos.
My mom was embarrassed by me. I didn’t really know how much she was then, but, looking back, she has always been embarrassed by me. I have never been invited to meet my mother’s husband’s kids, or to meet my mother’s co-worker friends.
One Thursday night before my mom was married, my boyfriend and I went over mom’s house. As we were leaving, my mom nonchalantly said, ‘Bob and I are getting married on Saturday. Just a small thing. No one is really going to be there. You’re probably working right?’
I was in shock, but I was working on Saturday – and I could tell my mom didn’t want me there. We walked away and my boyfriend and I discussed how incredibly rude that was on the way home. I didn’t really think much of it because she said it was a small wedding. I thought, maybe they were going to City Hall with two people and that is it.
I found out the truth about my mom’s wedding a few years later. My Godmother, who lived almost two hours away, asked me, ‘Why weren’t you at your mom’s wedding years ago?’ I found out it was a pretty big wedding. Both of my mom’s husband’s kids were there. His sisters were there. My aunt, uncle, Godmother. My older sister was the maid of honor.
My mom and my older sister had gone out to pick out dresses together and everyone had planned this wedding without me ever knowing. Had my mom not said something, I would have never known. But that was probably why she did say something. How was she supposed to just all of a sudden be married? And in her mind, she probably thought by saying what she did, it made her not responsible for how horrible this whole situation was.
I have to admit, it still bothers me that my mom could do this and not think anything of it. I refuse, however, to allow myself to get down because of something my mother has done. She made the decision to exclude me from her wedding and her embarrassment of me is just a reflection of her.
Yes, of course, I wish things were different. I would have loved to have felt like I matter to my mom. I would have loved for my family to not think I was a horrible daughter because I didn’t show up to my mom’s wedding. I can’t go back and change things. The only thing I can do is honor myself as the amazing woman I am and keep moving forward.
If you have also been excluded by family because they are not comfortable of you or embarrassed by you, please know it is a reflection of them, not you. Sometimes others treat us horribly, in ways they should never. But we do not have to allow them to have control over us and make us not love ourselves. We are worthy of love, from ourselves and others.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laurie Somma of Pennsylvania. You can follow her on Instagram, Facebook and her blog. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
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