‘We ended up accidentally getting pregnant after knowing each other for only a month. A few weeks later, that dream dissolved before our eyes.’: Mom suffers 2 miscarriages, gives birth to 2 ‘beautiful rainbow babies’

“I went into shock, paralyzed by what I’d just seen. All of a sudden, I heard a noise I couldn’t recognize. It was coming from me. A deep, loud, moaning scream; the sound of grief and disbelief. We were wheeled up to delivery and I remember a man telling my husband, ‘Good luck and congratulations,’ as he thought we were going to deliver a healthy baby. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d ever have to pick an urn for one of our children.”

‘He wanted to get meth, so we did. I’d been clean for a month. I took a pregnancy test. There was a tiny faint line.’: Addicted couple gets clean after learning of pregnancy, says their son is their ‘saving grace’

“I was so excited listening that drugs didn’t cross my mind. I was terrified after he came I’d get bad off again, but there was no way I was going to let someone else raise my baby. We used each other as support. Every night we’d lay down and listen to the baby’s heartbeat.”

‘My baby was born perfect, except for the knot in her umbilical cord. That day I was introduced to 2 concepts: stillbirth and grief.’: Mom loses daughter at birth, thanks friends who ‘saved her life’

“What I didn’t know was my daughter had died earlier that morning. After what I had thought was a normal day, a sonogram showed a black and white blob of static, unmoving, rather than the beating of her little heart. Grief has been called a journey, but journey’s imply an endpoint, a destination. Grief is more like an ocean; it’s being thrashed around by waves, trying to come up for air, in a world where you must learn how to swim.”