‘Sometimes being a mother is enough to unite you. ‘You grew a human?’ ‘Yeah, did you?’ ‘Yeah! Let’s drink wine!’ But sometimes, just because we are moms, it doesn’t mean we HAVE to get along.’

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“Motherhood is a unity. When you become a mom, you understand other moms. You understand what it’s like to not sh*t in peace anymore, to smile awkwardly while your child has a meltdown in the middle of a shopping center. Sometimes merely being a mother is enough to unite you.

‘You grew a human?’ ‘Yeah, did you?’ ‘Yeah! Let’s drink wine!’ And it works.

But sometimes, just because we are mothers, we are kinda FORCED to love each other. BUT, it doesn’t mean you all HAVE to be friends and get along, right? Sometimes you just don’t click with people… Doesn’t mean you don’t love their kids, applaud their parenting, or think they’re all round great as a parent, but they’re probably not who you’d chose to be a godmother of your baby.

This is why I feel it is important, when choosing mom friends, there’s certain qualities I look for. There’s the ‘perfect mom for me’ list I tick off when I meet a new parent, so we can nestle in a lifelong friendship.

Firstly, I need you to be yourself. Your whole self. I want you to forget perfect, and just be real. None of this ‘my life is blessed 24/7’ crap, because you’re worried what I will think. Your whole self might flip her sh*t sometimes. And I flip my sh*t too. I’m hiding in the cupboard drinking wine, with no makeup on as that’s a luxury these days, and this is who I am. You be who you are. I’ll love you for it.

Secondly, at some point you’re gonna hear me fart or burp, ugly cry or you’re gonna see my nipples or something. I need you to be fully comfortable with that.

Thirdly, I need you to be really okay with coming over and me being in my pajamas… it really depends on how the morning goes whether I’ll look respectable or not. If I’m dressed, a coffee will be fine. If I’m in pajamas, you can assume I need vodka.

Also, my house is either going to be spotless, or messy. There’s no in between. If you are the same – great. We don’t need to do the pretend apologies for the mess crap. We have kids, this is life now.

I don’t like hyperactivity. Unless you’ve smashed 10 cups of coffee, I can’t handle high energetic people. I have two young children who act like they’ve taken 10 shots of espresso, and I need you to be that yin to the yang and be cool.

On that note, I’m absolutely fine – in fact, more than fine – for you to be a caffeine addict. It’s how I survive in the mornings, and wine is how I survive at night. I don’t care how healthy you are. You can eat a kale salad if we go out, but you have to want to have cake for dessert, and drink wine or coffee.

No small talk. I’ve had PND, and anxiety, I don’t have time for small talk or a surface friendship. There’s nothing I don’t want you to share with me and likewise. Let it all hang out. Literally. Remember I wanna be able to ugly cry.

On that note too, we don’t need to talk on the phone. Texting is good. Like real good. It’s just so much easier on both of our lives. If we call each other it’s because we need a major vent session… and that’s the only time calling is warranted.

A friend who doesn’t judge is a friend indeed. Every day I battle what I do wrong, from too much bourbon in my coffee (jokes) to what I fed my children for dinner. It would help if you’re just cool with me in all my hot mess. I might cancel sometimes, come a bit late, forget our plans. I’m anxious and I’m tired. I’m a zombie. I don’t remember when I slept a full 8 hours. I won’t get mad at you for doing the same. Scouts honor.

I’ll love you and support you, no matter what you do. If you work, we work around you, if you’re at home, if you blog about food… Even if you’re selling Avon, I’ll love and support you, just don’t force me to have parties.

It would be great if our husbands got along… especially so they can watch the kids together while we hit the town. Hitting the town is something we will do… even running away together, or at least talk about it.

Also, it would be great if our kids got along, but I know kids are crazy and like to slap each other. If mine gets too slappy, I’ll be telling them off, and I expect you to do the same with yours. You’re my kids’ Aunty now, so I’m also okay with you pulling them up if they’re acting up.

Overall, I’ll have your back unconditionally. If we don’t talk for a while and we catch up, it’ll be like the distance never happened because we are sisters now, and you’re my partner in motherhood crime.”

Laura Mazza

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run, where it originally appeared. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.

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