“I don’t know who I am anymore. My life consists of putting everyone else first. Their needs, their happiness. But who is putting my needs first or my happiness?
My days are just routines of school runs and cleaning up around everyone. No one offers to help. I have to nag to get anything done and, in turn, I become the dragon woman.
I don’t really talk to anyone. I never realized how lonely I was until recently. I never realized how much I wasn’t myself anymore until I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.
And yet this is all too common as women.
As mothers, we give every bit of who we are and what makes us happy in order to please others. We take the backseat until, eventually, we become unrecognizable and then we get told we have ‘changed.’
We stare at our reflection trying to find just a small part of person we once were. That’s the beauty of marriage and children. You unintentionally become selfless, so much so that you as a person becomes nonexistent.
I can’t remember the last time I was really happy. I mean, really happy. I love my family more than anything, but I’m not happy. Gosh, I can’t remember the last time I felt some sort of emotion other than sadness and stress.
Perhaps it’s because my needs are no longer met and yet I feel bad for even just saying that, as if that’s just how it is meant to be. As if I’m not even a person, an individual, or someone that matters.
My kids love me. I know this for sure. But to them, I am also the person who will bend over backwards for them until I’m so exhausted I collapse in the shower and cry.
I get blamed for everything; the missing shoes, cooking the wrong meal, or forgetting to pack their readers. I’m constantly covered in acne from stress, on the verge of a meltdown, and living on carbohydrates to fulfil an empty feeling I can’t seem to shake.
Our job never ends. We may not get ‘paid’ for our job, but it’s 24/7.
The emotional exhaustion is overwhelming; the repetitive, groundhog days are mentally draining. Arguing with tiny people who think they know better. Cooking meals that aren’t up to their satisfaction. Feeding plates of food to the dog because no one liked your cooking.
As mothers, we all read this and think this is just a part of motherhood. You choose to be one, you choose to lose yourselves. WRONG!
Motherhood doesn’t mean we aren’t individuals or that we need to give every ounce of ourselves to prove our love or capabilities. Sometimes we need to be selfish. Sometimes we need to throw in the towel and let someone else fold the laundry.
Today is the day I decided I’m going to chase my happiness and find my sparkle. Even if that leads me on a path I never knew existed. To be a better mother. To realize my worth as a woman.
I’m not JUST a mom. I’m a mothef*cking superwoman, and so are you.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Jessica Hood. You can follow her journey on Facebook and Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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