“Two years ago, on September 20th, I met my dream girl. My husband and I were married five years before we felt called to expand our family. We always knew we wanted to have children, but with us both knee-deep in graduate school, we knew it wasn’t the right time.
Fast forward to January 2017. We were both working full-time and had moved back to our hometown to settle into new careers and be closer to family. This was a pivotal month in our marriage but we didn’t know just how pivotal it would be. As conversations began, we both mutually decided we were ready to start a family. Adoption had always been a conversation between us in the past. We discussed how we wanted to have two or three biological children and then adopt internationally.
Looking back, it’s funny to see the way God works. He knew all along exactly what our family looked like. He knows the numbers of hairs on our heads, so why shouldn’t he know the exact pattern for our family? Here I was, a young 20-something female who thought I had control over my life. In reality, it wasn’t until I let God take control things really fell into place. A few months passed and I felt a gentle nudge to pray over our family and our future children. I made my typical hour commute to work and asked my husband to pray over our family that day as well. We went about our typical day until dinner time when I asked my husband what he felt like God was telling him about our family. Almost instantly, as if he was more sure of this than anything else in his life, he replied, ‘We are supposed to adopt.’
These words didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks, they didn’t make me anxious or nervous, and they didn’t make me stop in my tracks. I had heard the exact same thing. We were adopting. God’s messages were loud and clear. We spoke about adoption very loosely in our marriage but that day, it was very real. We knew, without a doubt, we were called to adopt. Not five years down the road, but right now.
I wish I could explain to you the type of peace we felt about this decision. It was unlike any other. We had our fair share of struggles in making large life decisions and for this one to come so easily, we knew 100% it was from the Lord. The next several weeks were a blur. I researched until I couldn’t research anymore. If you know adoption, you know there are a million different routes to take and no two are the same. Were we called to adopt internationally? Domestically? Were we adopting an infant or an older child? There were so many unanswered questions but still so much peace over the entire process.
We decided on a faith-based women’s ministry as our avenue to send our profile book. This organization supports women in unplanned pregnancies through either the path of adoption or parenthood. We knew we wanted the birth mother of our child to be loved and cared for as long as she needed and this was the exact right fit for us. I mentally prepared myself for what could be weeks or months of waiting on that initial contact. Oh, what little faith I had.
I nervously dialed the number and to my surprise, I got right through to them. We spoke for a few minutes and she told me about a woman she had just met with. She was due in May and had chosen adoption for her baby. I heard her story and learned about this little life she was carrying but I still didn’t know what to expect. The conversation ended with plans for me to overnight her our profile book because she planned to meet with this expectant mother on Saturday. She needed our profile book in her hands in two days to present to her.
I casually told her, ‘Yes, that is possible,’ while also quietly freaking out because I knew my profile book was not done. I still have no idea why I promised something I didn’t think I could execute. But I did, and after one long night and a dad who is an expert in shipping, the book arrived safely in the hands of this agency right on time. Our profile book was presented to the expectant mother. We traveled to meet her and a match was officially made in May of 2017.
Even two years into this process and I can’t explain the number of ‘God moments’ we experienced. I truly don’t take them lightly. I think it simply highlights His magnificent work in beauty and redemption for all parties involved. May 2017 was a big month for us. We were matched with a baby girl on the way due October 1st and we also witnessed two little blue lines of our own. Our minds were so wrapped up in the ins-and-out of our potential placement, a positive pregnancy test took us completely by surprise.
As a first time adoptive mama and now a first-time biological mama, I knew I had to make the call to the agency to share our news. I shared the news of our pregnancy early in the first trimester, knowing the expectant mother had chosen us out of the expectation we were childless. I can’t explain it but this phone call was incredibly challenging. I didn’t know what to expect. I assumed she would decide to choose a new family to parent her unborn baby.
I made the call and the news was shared. A long 3 weeks later, I heard back the expectant mother still felt God had called her to choose us to parent her baby. Humbling is the only word I can use to describe the feeling of another woman choosing me to parent her baby. Of all of the profile books and of all of the people in this world, she chose me.
I still find myself triggering in insecurities about being my daughter’s mom because it didn’t happen by chance. It happened with a conscious choice of one brave soul who chose me. Still, I’m humbled. Every single day, I’m humbled by this woman and by a God who lovingly chose me to mama this baby. The very night I whispered my surrender, God delivered. It was almost as if He was waiting on me to surrender to His will and accept His plan over the stress of my own because at 11:47 that night, I got the call there was a baby on the way.
We rustled around and left the house by midnight that night. The next 12 hours were filled with waiting. My husband and I were blessed with a quiet morning, followed by one last breakfast date before baby time. We slowly made our way to the hospital around noon and at exactly 4:04 p.m., we stepped outside of our room to hear the most beautiful first cry.
I tell you this, stepping outside of that door at 4:04 p.m. was not a coincidence. We were unaware of how things were going next door but being able to step outside of the door and hear our daughter’s first cry was truly a miracle I didn’t know I needed. Almost immediately, the nurses brought in the most perfect baby girl straight to me. Again, I was humbled. This woman, who had just given birth, made the conscious decision to allow me to hold her baby, even before herself. That sacrifice, and all of her sacrifices, are not lost on me.
We spent the next two days in the hospital with the birth mom as we all navigated this new life we
were in. It was blissful but also one of the most heartbreaking and joy-filled experiences as I considered what the woman on the other side of the walls was experiencing. We faced joy. She faced heartbreak. I will never pretend to know the feelings she experienced but I do promise to honor her every single day. I promise to honor her in the words I speak of her, in the way I raise our daughter, and in the way I share her story with the world.
Adoption is a heavy topic and I’ve contemplated sharing and not sharing the story of our daughter. Then I’ve realized, there’s no shame in her story. If I keep it hidden, then maybe one day she’ll feel like she needs to keep it hidden too. Instead, I share in an effort to show the love, hope, and redemption that comes from her story.
I share how adoption changed my life and keeps changing me from the inside out. I’ve heard from countless families looking into adoption. I’ve met with friends and family who are interested in this path for their family. I’ve dug deeper into faith. I’ve learned to love someone I have to share and I’ve learned to love someone on the other side of the state with a fierce love that can’t be shaken.
I’ve navigated sharing our story with my daughter and sharing our story with the world and I’ve come out stronger because of it. The rest of the story is still being written but I’m eternally grateful for a front-row seat to this sweet little life.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Kasha Rebant. You can follow their journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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