‘He’ll never be a dead-beat dad who got remarried and started a new life. And I refuse to be the evil stepmom.’: Bonus mom successfully co-parents with husband’s ex, ‘We all make the effort. We all show up. We are all present’

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“Having a blended family isn’t easy. And I’m what you would call a bonus mom. Not a stepmom. But a bonus mom.

When I first met my husband Jason, he told me he was a single father to 2 handsome boys. You could see how proud he was of them and how much he loved them. When we started dating it took a month before he ever introduced me to them, just to make sure we were more than a one-and-done date. As things progressed, I fell in love with him and his boys. And we eventually got married.

@camilla_cct
@camilla_cct

His boys were the ring bearers and best men at our wedding. Before I came into the picture, their mother got remarried and moved with them 4 hours away to another state. But, they made coparenting work. And together, us 4 parents became friends. Now, we could not be more opposite if you tried. From the way we dress, act, music we listen to, parenting styles, and hobbies that we do with our kids. But, we show up. We do it for them. We all 4 stand on the sidelines cheering at football games.

Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram
Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram
Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram
@camilla_cct

We take pictures and embarrass the boys at school graduations or award ceremonies. And we even get together for special occasions that would warrant your parents being there. Even if they have 4 of them.

Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram

If you have followed along on my Instagram @heathercrock for a while, you will see that we try to make every effort to see our kids. We travel to Idaho and stay in hotels for the weekend every two weeks just so we can watch our oldest play football during the season. Now remember, we live in two different states, and after we adopted two babies only 4 months apart last year, we have a lot going on.

RELATED: ‘I stood there holding my 3-month-old baby boy as she sent me pictures of an ultrasound of the baby growing in her stomach. I was speechless. But I also knew. Deep down I knew.’: Mom’s breathtaking journey adopting 2 newborn babies only 4 months apart

@camilla_cct
@camilla_cct
@camilla_cct
Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram

Every other Friday I leave from work and drive to meet their mom or stepdad 100 miles away. Sometimes with traffic or inclement weather, it can take more than 5-6 hours round trip. My husband Jason then makes the same trek on Sunday less than 48 hours later. This last week we got a phone call from their mom asking us, ‘Do you want to come stay with the boys while we go out of town, so they don’t miss school?’ And of course we said yes (although, I had patients I couldn’t reschedule so I stayed home with the babes).

Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram

My husband took off work for two days so he could make them lunches, help with homework, and our 8-year-old even lost a tooth. That night he handcrafted a very specific note for the Tooth Fairy requesting a self-portrait because he didn’t know what he/she looked like? The next morning when he woke up and saw the masterpiece he had drawn, the youngest replied, ‘I wasn’t really expecting Mr. Tooth Fairy to look like that 🤣’.

Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram
Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram

The love he has for his children is one of the things that attracted me to him the most. As I mentioned before, making a blended family successful takes a lot of effort. And a million miles spent in the car. But they are absolutely worth it. We all make the effort. We all show up. We are all present for our children. Jason will never be a dead-beat dad who got remarried and started a new life. And I refuse to be the evil stepmom who won’t make time for ALL of her kids. So, I got the title of bonus mom. And I’ll take it.

Every. Single. Day.”

Courtesy of Heather Crockett Oram
@camilla_cct

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Heather Crockett Oram of Utah. You can follow their adoption journey on Instagram. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read Heather’s powerful adoption backstory here:

‘I stood there holding my 3-month-old baby boy as she sent me pictures of an ultrasound of the baby growing in her stomach. I was speechless. But I also knew. Deep down I knew.’

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