‘I expected him to tell me, ‘Yeah, I’ve noticed. You’ve got to do something about that anxiety.’ He didn’t though.’: Mom grateful for husband’s love when sharing insecurities

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“My husband and I had a day date this past weekend.

It included our first Uber ride since the pandemic started, lots of beverages and snacks at restaurants with outdoor seating, a return Uber ride back to our home for a kid-free dip in our pool,  and a late-night UberEats order of McDonald’s, for the win.

It was a real good time, though, it was practically impossible not to discuss  the kids starting e-learning soon, how much the fear of COVID has limited what we can do, the surreal new standard that is mask-wearing, and how much longer we’re going to have to live with this pandemic looming.

We talked about my husband’s work a little bit. How, though we are so very thankful he’s got a job keeping him busy,  it’s hard to be that busy,  isolated to your home work office, and only get maybe two hours with the kids every evening, by which time they (and I) are grumpy and tired from a long, perhaps dull, often challenging day.

We talked about me and how there’s this ever present feeling of guilt I’m not doing enough. I’m not present enough. I’m not organized enough. I’m not keeping the house clean enough. I’m not keeping the kids happy enough. I’m not doing enough to  stretch their brains, expand their minds, or make sure they don’t fall victim to the ‘summer learning slide.’

Courtesy of Nicole Merritt

It’s a lot, and it gets me down. On a typical day, I’m an overwhelmed, under-confident, wrecking ball of anxiety.

When I voiced this to my husband, I expected him to tell me, ’Yeah, I’ve noticed. You’ve got to do something about that.’ I predicted he would say something like, ‘Why don’t you try to get a better routine going, be a bit more organized, and plan more?’

He didn’t, though.

Do you know what my husband did for me? He took the pressure off. He informed me he thinks I’m a rock star. I’m doing right by our kids, and a terrific job. He shared with me that they are happy. That, at the end of the day, each child is smiling and has a funny story to tell. He told me it’s incredible I’m doing something different with them each day. He voiced to me how proud he is of me and the job I’m doing.

And then, he went a step further.

He made sure I knew, with three weeks left until the school e-learning year starts, I don’t need to put any more effort in than I already am. I don’t need to do a damn thing differently, except for trying to ‘let up’ on myself a little more and enjoy our children.

He encouraged me to have that weekday glass of wine if I want it. He told me I need to get out of my  over-analyzing, guilt-ridden, super self-critical head, and submerge myself into these wearing, but precious, never-to-be-had-again, ordinary (but anything but) moments with our three children.

And, because of this conversation and him, I’m heading into the first week of August feeling a bit lighter, more secure in who I am, and incredibly thankful to have a man in my life who knows how to build up and support the woman in his.”

Courtesy of Nicole Merritt

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole Merritt of Jthreenme, where the post originally appeared. You can follow her on Facebook, her website or podcastDo you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more stories from Nicole:

‘To all the men with daughters, you need to love your WIFE as you want your DAUGHTER to be loved.’

‘You’re too young to get married,’ they said. I was 22, fresh out of college. This man was 8 years my senior. ‘What do you see in him? It will never work.’

‘My husband and I don’t hold hands anymore. When I see other couples, I feel a pang. Jealously? Concern?’: Wife explains how husband ‘holds her’ in other ways to support marriage

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