‘She’s too confident,’ they whisper to each other. If only they knew she leads with self-assurance to overcome her debilitating self-doubt and social anxiety.’

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“Women often get told that we are ‘too’ much of something.

Sometimes, men or other women will simply tell a woman that she is, without any further explanation, merely ‘too much,’ with no elaboration.

What does that even mean, and why in the heck is being ‘too’ anything something to be ashamed of?



Should I clarify a third time?

Whether you are a woman or man or nonconforming, whether you are married, divorced, widowed or single, whether you are employed or unemployed, whether you have kids or don’t, whether you are religious or not, whether you are rich or poor, whether you are an adult or a child, keep being ‘too’ much of whatever it is that makes you, YOU.

‘She’s too much,’ they say, meaning that she’s ‘a handful,’ or ‘a trip’ or maybe a bit perplexing. Stay quirky and challenging, it’s better than being boring.

‘She’s too friendly,’ they state, mistaking her genuine yet awkward attempts at everyday conversation for fakeness. There is nothing fake about a person’s consistent effort to get to know others.

‘She’s too confident,’ they whisper to each other, yet if only they knew that she leads with self-assurance to overcome her debilitating self-doubt, social anxiety, and her overactive worry gene.

‘She’s too unkempt and should put (and keep) herself together more. Kids are not an excuse for looking so ragged,’ they contend. B to the S. Messy in the new beautiful, so get on board with that notion.

She’s too loud or she’s too quiet.

She’s too giving or she’s too selfish.

She’s too dramatic, too insensitive or too sensitive.

She’s too into her career or she’s too into her kids.

Sadly, but undoubtedly, someone will always look at you (and probably open their big judgmental mouth) and tell you that you are ‘too’ something.

I encourage you to keep being more than others expect, want or can handle – because guess what?

What you are TOO much or TOO little of is entirely up to you and if you can look in the mirror each day and feel proud of your heart and your soul, then you can be darn sure that your external being, the one other’s see, is reflecting all of the unique goodness that is inside of you.

And, if they cannot see that, it’s because THEY are TOO blinded by their own insecurities.

‘She talks and shares her opinion too much,’ they say about me.

‘Well, you worry too much about me and too little about yourself,’ I announce back to them.”

Mother who people say she is too confident purses lips in selfie with young son
Nicole Merritt of Jthreenme

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole Merritt of Jthreenme, where the post originally appeared. You can follow her on Facebook, her website or podcast

Read more from Nicole:

‘We are forgetting about our boys and that’s not OK.’

‘To all the men with daughters, you need to love your WIFE as you want your DAUGHTER to be loved.’

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