‘You just need to go back to work, you can’t handle this.’ I was fearful to break down in front of my husband. I’m a stay-at-home mom.’: Mom says ‘You can breakdown and you need to.’

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“I’m one of you. I thought breaking down was a sign of weakness. I thought breaking down meant I wasn’t grateful for my children especially with my second since she was my rainbow baby. I would see all the happy pictures and posts on social media and think, ‘It must just be me, I’m just not be cut out for motherhood.’

I was fearful to breakdown in front of my husband. I’m a stay at home mom, which is what I want to be, but what if I breakdown and he tells me, ‘You just need to go back to work, you can’t handle this.’ I was afraid to breakdown in front of my family. Maybe I’d hear, ‘Well you decided to have children, you chose to have more than one. Don’t do what you can’t handle.’ I was terrified to break down in front of my friends. They always praise me for being such a good mom, what if I breakdown and they think differently of me? On top of that, anytime I made any remark about being tired or frustrated I would get the response ‘It goes by so fast. Try and appreciate the moments because you’ll miss them.’ Did people think I didn’t appreciate my children?

Let me tell you what, mama. You can breakdown and you need to. Anyone who tells you different is lying. Yes, being a mother is the most amazing and rewarding thing, but it’s also the hardest and will make you question every thought and every decision you have ever made.

What makes you a good mom? Breaking down and crying because you’ve reached your breaking point and feeling guilty for it? Feeling emotionally tapped out because you spent all night and day figuring out the best thing for your children? The fact you care, the fact you give so much you eventually break down, means you’re a good mom.

You are doing the hardest most influential job on the planet. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t breakdown because we only breakdown when we love something so much and give our all to it. And that, mama, makes you not a failure. It’s ok to cry, it’s okay to pour a glass of wine, and it’s ok to call it an early night.

Your family and friends have felt just like you. If you talk to another mother, no matter how perfect her social media family is, I guarantee you she can relate. If you tell your husband it’s been a struggle and you feel touched out, most likely he will understand and not think anything bad of you. He will be thankful for all the effort and time you put in.

How do I know this? Because I’m you. I’ve been there, I’ve thought that, and I’ve torn myself up. I still do. Yes, we will get some of ‘those comments,’ but the majority will say, ‘mama I get it I’ve been there.’

So, don’t think for a second think you’re not cut out for motherhood. Don’t think for a second you are failing. You are not failing! Let yourself cry. Let yourself run your fingers through your hair. Let yourself just say, ‘Hey, I need to walk away.’ Because being a mother is not only giving it your all, but it is also knowing when you have given your all and when you need a moment alone.”

Courtesy of Melissa Ostroth

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Melissa Ostroth of Milkitivity. You can follow her journey on Facebook and Instagram. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

Read more stories from Melissa here: 

‘I promise you, mama, you will sleep again. You’re not alone. There are many mamas up at 3 a.m. yawning just like you.’: Mom says you are not alone in your breastfeeding struggles

‘I still love breastfeeding. The bond, those quiet moments. We aren’t scared ‘to cut the cord.’: Mom still breastfeeds toddler, says ‘We are doing it for our child’s health’

‘You can’t drink that glass of wine while breastfeeding. And please don’t breastfeed without a cover.’: Mom’s hilarious guide to navigating breastfeeding comments during the holiday season

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