Don’t get married before you:
1. Talk about DEBT.
2. FULLY and WILLINGLY commit to one another. No ‘I’m not sure,’ ‘What ifs,’ and ‘It’s not the right time.’ You are either in or you’re OUT.
3. When/how many kids do you want? Adoption? Are one of you infertile?
4. Talking about STDs. Get checked. Seek medical help or informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.
5. Talk about your 5-to-10-year timeline regarding your career and education. Can you move? Are you willing to relocate?
6. Levels of religiosity. What is your openness to growth? Lack thereof? Do you share fundamental CORE beliefs about life? This is VERY important.
7. Anger management issues. Do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it? Are you taking it out on others? Please seek help, because it can destroy you, the future, and the children.
8. Energy. Does it match? You decide. Follow your gut.
9. Clothing. It may seem odd and like a small problem, but small things eventually ADD up. Make sure your expectations MATCH one another to full comfort.
10. Sexual compatibility. I’m not going to go into details, but you need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc. Figure it out.
11. Finances. How do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age?
12. Age doesn’t matter too much. In my experience, it’s about the person and what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you’re with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way.
13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs, handshakes, cheek kisses, etc. I know it sounds strange, and trust should be there, but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. It’s better to know than not know!
14. Social media. Believe it or not, people WILL break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page!
15. I mentioned this before, but SAVINGS. How much do you have earned and combined? How much is your intended salary? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condos? Speak futuristically if it’s not something you can afford right now. Get on the same page.
16. What is cheating? Entanglements? Define your breaks and breakups clearly.
17. Physical and verbal abuse. What is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.
18. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralyzed? God parents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it.
19. Importantly, LOVE is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to LOVE, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out of the happily-ever-after mindset and you’ll be fine.
20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family, background, ethnicity, and job level. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. You aren’t a good person based off superficial attributes. It’s all in having trust.
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Soori Jaan, and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Twitter. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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