“Dear husband—I love you, but I don’t like you.
Not all the time.
I don’t like you when you get to walk out the door while the kids are losing it—and begin your silent commute.
I don’t like you when your clothes take up a whole load and I forget to wash mine and end up wearing dirty socks.
There are a lot of moments where I can’t like you a whole lot.
The truth is, you’re an easy target.
When the walls are closing in on me, I find myself angry with the one who gets to leave.
When it’s too loud, I’m jealous of the daily dose of quiet in your truck
When I’m too tired, I wallow in envy over the nap you took.
The resentment builds and my anger bubbles up, ready to spill over on something petty like a lost shoe or a left-out coffee cup.
And I wonder how it is you look at me—I know you love me, but am I hard to like?
When you pick up that work bag and vest that’s always the same while my laundry pile, though not always washed, is filled with cozy things.
I wonder if it’s hard not to scream because just for a day, you’d kill to be me.
I wonder if the grass on my side looks unbelievably green.
That’s how yours looks to me.
I hate that I’m this way. It feels childish and silly, but it’s so real when I’m in the middle of it—all this unwanted resentment.
And I’m sorry if it seems permanent because neither of us deserves it.
It’s us against the world but we’re turning on each other in the process.
I know it isn’t just us. I know it isn’t forever. I know this season is a hard one and we can, and will, do better.
I just hope you know how grateful I am for you even when I’m tired, worn down, and I don’t show it.
And most of all, I hope you know I love you big even in those I-don’t-like-you moments.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Whitney of Trains and Tantrums. You can follow her journey on Facebook and Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more from Whitney:
‘If we send our kids to school, we’re ‘selfish.’ If we keep them home, we’re ‘living in fear.’ We’re offered strong opinions from others not even in our position.’: Mom urges ‘there is no right decision’
‘I’m tired or vibrant. I’m drinking water or in the drive-thru with a Coke. I wake with the sun and get everything done or I’m coasting till bedtime.’: Woman admits ‘I often wake up wondering which side of the line I’ll fall on today’
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