‘He screamed horrible things at me, broke my wall mirror, cornered me and told me he’d murder my family if I left him as he shook a butcher knife in my face.’

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“In October of 2015, I was laying in a hospital bed wishing I was dead. There was no light at the end of my tunnel. It seemed like the darkness went on forever and I just couldn’t pull myself out of this slump. I started putting myself down because I couldn’t even kill myself correctly. But I’m really glad I didn’t. Some people never get that second chance. Nobody really wants to die, they just want to kill their pain. I really didn’t have any reason to hate my life besides a chemical imbalance in my brain.

What happened next was definitely not in my plans, but God knew what he was doing. I was emotionally vulnerable and got into a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist. In that relationship, I learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. During the short few months that were together, he took all the broken pieces of me and broke them even more. He had me believing that I was worthless and stupid and that he was the only person who would ever love me. I was manipulated away from my family and friends. I was isolated, I lost friends, I lost my apartment, I lost my pets, and he even sold my vehicle so I had no way out. (Luckily my parents and the police were able to help me get it back).

Although it seemed like I had lost everything while I was already down, I found my inner strength. I found the beautiful soul inside of me that knew she deserved better, that she could be better. I found my dreams that were buried inside of me hidden beneath all of my depression and dusted them off. Suddenly, I found the courage to leave. He screamed horrible things at me, he broke my wall mirror, he cornered me and told me he’d murder my family if I left him as he shook a butcher knife in my face. I was terrified. I left him anyway. I called my father to come get me and I called the police.

I was an emotional wreck. My parents dropped everything to help me get my stuff into a storage unit and move home with them. I didn’t quit my job – that was the one stable thing that I had, and I wasn’t going to let that go. About a week after I moved home, I saw my first ever double rainbow in the sky. I thought to myself, ‘This is God’s promise. My storm is over.’ Looking back, I truly believe it was a sign. This was God saying to me, ‘You will never be alone again. Stop seeking validation from other people and looking for the wrong kind of love. I am about to show you the purest form of love you will ever know.’ Two days later, I overheard a conversation at work about birth control and realized I couldn’t remember when I last had a period. I took a pregnancy test when I got home. It was positive. I was pregnant. I was freaking out. I was 26 years old and living with my parents. How was I going to take care of a baby?

Looking back, none of this even feels real anymore. The old me is a distant memory.

God knew I needed a real-life angel to save me from myself. My mom and sister were there for me every step of the way. I lost friends, but I also grew closer to people who I didn’t think even cared about me. Life has a funny way of working out.

In October of 2016, I was in a hospital bed preparing to meet the love of my life. What a difference one whole year can make. The day that she was born was the day my heart started beating outside of my chest. I haven’t been the same since. I am happier than I have ever been. I am working harder than I ever have to give the two of us a beautiful life. The moment that the nurses laid my little Macie Skye on my chest, everything was okay, and I knew that together, we always would be. I named my angel Macie Skye because Macie means ‘gift from God’ and Skye because of the double rainbow I saw before I found out about her. God’s promise.

In October of 2017, I celebrated her first birthday.

In October of 2018, I celebrated her second birthday.

I’m still at the same job. We have our own apartment and a better car. I’m in Nursing school. It’s hard but when I think of all I’ve been through to get to this point, I just remind myself that all of this will be worth it. I can’t thank God enough for this blessing that saved me. I needed her, and I didn’t even know it.

I am sharing this in hopes that it might help someone else. Life gets better. Make sure you’re around to see it.”

Woman who escaped abusive relationship sits on ground with toddler daughter smiling in her lap
Courtesy Kira Farrington

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Kira Farrington. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.

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