‘If it happens, it happens.’ I stared at the negative test. I was right, but it still stung. My body had betrayed me.’: Endometriosis warrior shares motherhood journey, ‘My dream came true’

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“At 18, most girls are thinking about a college, but not me. At 18, I had to grow up and really fast. I met my boyfriend, now-husband, in June of 2016, and some events led to us moving pretty quickly. In July, we signed a lease for our very first apartment together.

After living together for 3 months, we had gone on our first trip together in celebration of not being in debt anymore. We had the time of our lives but when we got home a few days later, I became very ill. I was running to the bathroom every hour and when this happened, all I could think about was my missed pills in my birth control packet for that month. I had been super diligent about my birth control pills for a year and a half at that point but because the month was so chaotic, it spaced my mind. I still had a week before my period was going to start, so the next week was spent worrying. I remember crying multiple times but Brayden consoled me every time, saying, ‘If it happens, it happens. It’s in God’s hands.’ That made me feel a little bit better but the worry weighed on me more and more throughout the week.

Courtesy of Makayla

As my period was approaching, I remember googling symptoms, such as, ‘What are the first common pregnancy symptoms?’ and ‘Can I have morning sickness so early?’ While googling these symptoms, I started to become very aware of the fact I was experiencing all of these symptoms. The day approached when it was time to take a test. I was still on my pills, in case it was negative. I walked into the bathroom in our very small studio apartment, reached underneath the sink, and pulled out a clear blue line test. I stared at it for a moment, my stomach feeling like it was on the floor. I opened the test, sat on the toilet, and took the test. With shaking hands, I placed the test on the bathroom counter. Those 5 minutes feel like a lifetime when you’re waiting for results for the rest of your life.

As I sat there, tapping my foot from the anxiety brewing inside of me, I couldn’t believe I could be pregnant. ‘3..2..1…’ I said to myself. I saw only one line. I felt an emotion I was not prepared for. I felt sad. I didn’t know I would feel the slightest bit of sadness, seeing as we were not prepared to start trying for a baby. I cried. I didn’t know how to process the emotions I was feeling at the time so I just sat there to ponder. My boyfriend was at work so when he came home for lunch, I broke the news the test was negative.

Courtesy of Makayla

For the next couple of days, I processed the results of the test and had come to the conclusion I was ready to start our family. As crazy as it sounds, only 5 months into our relationship, I knew he was the one I wanted to start a life and a family with. When Brayden got home from work that night, we had sat down for dinner and I brought up the fact I want a family. We talked for hours and had come to an agreement we were both ready for this endeavor.

At age 17, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, a disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside of the uterus. This can cause infertility so I knew there was a huge chance I could never get pregnant. November 2016 marks the very first month of trying to conceive. I got my period back after being on birth control for so many years, which was great, but with endometriosis, my symptoms were in full force. I have very painful ovulation pain so, for me, there’s no need for ovulation tests. Ovulation had come and gone, and I felt very good about this cycle. I knew only 30% of couples get pregnant on the first cycle but I was feeling hopeful. The 2-week wait was brutal and the longest 2 weeks of my life but I finally made it through. I was one day away from my period and so nervous. Possibly even more nervous than the previous month.

Courtesy of Makayla

Once again, I went under the sink and grabbed one of my tests. I stared at it for a second and finally took it. I flipped it over onto the counter, set an alarm, and then it was time to wait. The wait felt like years had passed but it was only 5 minutes. My alarm went off and it was finally time to look at the test, I took a deep breath in and out feeling my lungs fill with air and then release as if I had just finished a marathon. I turned the test over and as I stared so intensely, I only saw one line. I fell onto the cold hard floor of my bathroom and sobbed. As tears streamed down my face and fell onto the floor where I had been, all I could think was I felt so hopeful and that hope was taken away in an instant. As I pick myself back up, my boyfriend walked in and comforted me, telling me it’s in God’s hands.

Days later, I hadn’t started my second cycle. Wondering what was wrong, I called up my gynecologist and told them the whole story and was prescribed medication to start my period. A couple of hours after getting off the phone, I went to the bathroom and my period had started on its own. The dreadful second cycle had officially begun. I was hopeful in the beginning but as my ovulation approached, I started to feel like it may not be our month. My endometriosis pain during ovulation struck hard. I was curled up in a ball with a heating pad because, after 8 years of horrendous pain, that’s the only way I have found helps. I remember saying, ‘If I don’t get pregnant this month, I’m getting back on my pills because I can’t take this pain any longer.’ The 2-week wait came and went. I started feeling crampy 2 days before my period, which is normal for me, so I brushed it off and told myself I wasn’t pregnant.

Courtesy of Makayla

By day seven, something came over me and told me to take a test. It was this overwhelming feeling something was up. I took the test, but this time, I was very confused because I had never taken a digital and it wasn’t doing anything. I walked out of the room thinking it was a faulty test. I went and sat on our bed, texted my best friend, and forgot about the test for 15 minutes. When I finally remembered the test, I walked to the bathroom, and as my feet touched the cold bathroom floor, I looked down at the counter where the test was lying. As I stared at a positive test that said ‘Yes,’ I couldn’t believe my eyes. I felt like I was in a dream. I didn’t say a single word from being in shock and when it finally processed, I started crying tears of joy. I kept saying, ‘Oh my gosh’ over and over because I couldn’t believe my eyes. That feeling was so surreal I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to tell my boyfriend right away but I decided to keep it a secret until he got home that night.

Courtesy of Makayla

On the night of January 5, 2017, I decided to tell Brayden one of his Christmas presents came late. I put the test in a small box with a bow on top and when he got home, he opened the box and couldn’t believe his eyes either. He didn’t think it would happen so quickly and neither did I. We spent the rest of the night basking in the fact I was pregnant. From the very beginning, I had this strong feeling it was a girl. I couldn’t shake the feeling of being a girl mom. My days were consumed with finding everything we needed in time for the baby to arrive.

The first of February rolled around and it’s time for my first ultrasound. I was nervous but excited. I didn’t have a shred of anxiety going into the ultrasound. I lay down on the ultrasound bed and undressed from the waist down because we couldn’t see anything on my belly. She started the ultrasound and there was my precious baby, with a heartbeat and all, measuring 8 weeks and 5 days, and the cutest little nugget. At 16 weeks, my dream had come true. I had my second ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby and we had found out she was a girl. I couldn’t believe I was having a baby girl.

Courtesy of Makayla

The rest of the pregnancy was smooth sailing. I was due September 7, 2017, and on August 21, I felt some unusual things, such as stronger contractions than I had felt previously. On August 22, she had dropped. Later that night while laying in bed, I start having real contractions around 11 p.m. and that continued as I start timing them on my app. At 3:00 in the morning, not a lick of sleep, my contractions were now 4 to 5 minutes apart. I woke up my boyfriend. ‘I’m in labor, it’s time to go.’

Courtesy of Makayla

We got in the car and headed to the hospital, which was 10 minutes away. The entire drive to the hospital, I didn’t have a contraction so I was doubting if I was actually in labor or not. We were escorted to our delivery room and I was checked. I was 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and an hour later, I was dilated to a 4. I was fully admitted, got an IV in, and requested an epidural. After the epidural was placed, the rest of my labor was smooth. At 3:23 p.m., it was time to start pushing, and at 3:34 p.m., I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl we named Victoria, weighing 6 pounds even.

Courtesy of Makayla

Life with her had officially begun and I couldn’t ask for better. Month after month, she was developing and when she was 8 months old, we started talking about trying for another baby.

Courtesy of Makayla

One month later, I went to the doctor, got my IUD out, and it was time to start trying for another baby. In month one, I didn’t feel like it would happen but by month two, I started to get more excited and hopeful. Month four rolled around and I start feeling like it happened. I ovulated two eggs but when I took a test, it was negative. The betrayal and heartbreak I felt will be carried with me forever. After the fourth month, we decided to take it easy the next month and not track my cycle at all. This cycle took us for a whirl… not only did we take it easy that month but I didn’t ovulate at all. This is a very common symptom of endometriosis but it felt so cruel it happened in the thick of trying to conceive. I took a test and I knew it would be negative. I was right but it still stung nonetheless. The heartbreak and betrayal you feel from your own body are unlike any other.

January, the next month, I decided to take birth control pills again to give my body a break. I was going to stop them in March and begin trying again. At the end of March, I went to the ER unexpectedly one night and I was told I have gallstones and I need surgery. We decided to take an entire year off of trying to get my health under control. At this time, I decided to get off the birth control pills and do natural family planning. However, in May of 2019, exactly one year after starting the TTC journey, I had been off birth control for 2 months and thought I had ovulated earlier than normal. I thought we were in the clear. 5 days after my fertile window, my husband and I were intimate and the very next day, I ovulated. This was for sure my ovulation I had been waiting for.

Courtesy of Makayla

Again, the 2-week wait passed and on June 7, 2019, I woke up after my husband had left for work, pulled out a pregnancy test, and filmed the whole thing for my YouTube channel. ‘1… 2… 3…  4… 5…’ I said while dipping the test. Those 3 minutes felt like a lifetime. My hands were shaking and my stomach felt like it was in knots. 3 minutes passed, I looked down at the test, picked it up, put it into the light, and there it was. I saw two very faint lines and couldn’t believe my eyes. I said, ‘Wait a minute, what?’ and then as it proceeded, I began to say, ‘Oh my gosh,’ over and over. After seeing negative after negative for a year, you don’t think you’ll ever see a positive.

Courtesy of Makayla

He was a complete surprise but definitely the surprise we needed in our lives. During his pregnancy, it was really rough. I was diagnosed with prolapse after scary bleeding that ended with going to the ER. I was diagnosed with SPD, which is where my body released too much relaxin, and my pelvic bone started splitting. Then my labor happened, I had an epidural and it worked only half the time. I stopped contracting at 8 cm and had to have a manual dilation while pushing. After only 5 minutes of pushing, my son, Elliott, was born a happy and healthy beautiful boy at 6 pounds, 13 ounces on February 2, 2020.

Courtesy of Makayla

Our family was complete… or was it? We plan to try for another baby in 3 to 5 years if my endometriosis will allow us.”

Courtesy of Makayla

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Makayla from Idaho Falls, Idaho. You can follow their journey on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more stories from endometriosis warriors:

‘We usually tell women at this stage to complete their families.’ I was only 17. That wasn’t an option. I had no idea how unlucky I’d be.’: Woman battles stage 4 endometriosis, 2 miscarriages, and hysterectomy

‘I want to live in my parents’ basement with 13 kids and no husband,’ said 3-year-old me. One part is true. Babies, and lots of ‘em!’: Woman shares emotional battle with Endometriosis, knows she’ll someday ‘be a mama’

‘You need to isolate immediately.’ The chances of survival for me are extremely low.’ : Woman with asthma, stage 4 endometriosis says, ‘I’ve been fighting my whole life, I don’t plan on stopping now’

‘He’s going to leave you,’ it said. I cried and I shook. I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.’: Woman with endometriosis keeps fighting

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