“‘Babies… babies…” she repeated in her tiny voice. She was only 14 months old at the time, there was nobody else around. We were visiting her big sister at the cemetery where she is laid in Baby Land along with other babies who have returned to heaven. It’s moments like these that bring awe and amazement in the connection we can keep with those we have lost, makes it undeniable.
Lenix’s sister, Harvi, was stillborn. After Harvi died I made her a promise. I promised to always protect her, to keep her memory alive and speak of her often. I promised to celebrate her life and cherish the moments we were so blessed to spend with her. I promised to teach her future siblings about their big sister, and encourage them to create their own relationship with her. I promised to look for and acknowledge the signs she sends us. I promised to see the beauty in this life and find happiness. I promised to keep her in our hearts, forever. I promised to love her fiercely, always. I promised to hold on, and never let go!
So, I’m doing my best to keep those promises.
15 months after Harvi, Lenix was born. It was important to me that Lenix knew she was a little sister to a guardian angel, that she had a sense of love for her older sister. We read books like, ‘Somebody Came Before You.’ Say goodnight to her sister’s photo at bedtime. Lenix asks me if she can pick flowers to take to her sissy.
Lenix is 2 now and she has her own understanding of Harvi. They have a beautiful relationship even though they never had the opportunity to meet in this life. Witnessing how my child has learned about and bonded with her sister who isn’t here is almost unbelievable, my heart bursts as I think about it. It amazes me because sometimes she realizes things that I haven’t expressed to her. Like when she sees a butterfly and tells me it’s like her Sissy, or when she brings me Harvi’s stuffed animal and tells me to be careful because it was Sissy’s.
There have been times when we drive past the cemetery and without any prompting she waves and says, ‘Hi Sissy,’ then tells me her Sissy is in that cemetery. Then at night she has requested to kiss the figurine of an angel child cradling a swaddled baby, which represents her sister holding her. Maybe it’s her own perspective, maybe it’s that their relationship goes deeper than I even know. My point is, I give gentle nudges but it’s not all my doing. It’s something more. I mean, obviously. She was seeing babies in the cemetery when she was too young to have any understanding about where we were or why.
So, tonight as I rock my toddler to sleep next to her night table that holds a snow globe of butterflies and the angel figurine, I have a peace in my heart knowing that I have been keeping my promises. I’m seeing the signs to prove it. And that, brings me so much comfort.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Marki Hinkle of Salt Lake City, Utah. Follow her family journey on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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