“‘Single Alex! You’re like a unicorn who doesn’t want to get caught!’
My! Hello’s sure have changed these days.
My first instinct was, ‘Ooo, gold or silver horn?’ Second was, ‘wait, what?! I WANT to be caught.’
My experience these days is this: I’m a 33 year old woman who doesn’t have a pair of binoculars attached to her face, my fingers aren’t sore from swiping left/right, I’m not using my spare time to Pinterest diamond rings without a buyer, and my eyes are not always canvasing rooms for eligible men. So, I must simply, ‘Not want to be caught’?
I do. I want to be caught.
Here’s the thing: my life doesn’t start in motion when my husband arrives. My life is in motion. Period. My husband will arrive. Period.
I’m not the woman back in the village hopelessly waiting for the hero. I AM the hero, too. I don’t identify with being a damsel in distress needing to be saved by a white knight. I AM a white knight. I’m out here in forward motion doing the work and saving my own self.
I’m sewing up the wounds, I’m creating what’s lost, I’m fine tuning the sharp edges, I’m painting my soul with the colors of culture and exploration. I am doing the work to make my life solid, beautiful, and worthy of the epic woman I am…. AND the epic man and the epic marriage she deserves.
And okay, maybe the glitter from my mane is blinding the onlookers to what’s real. So, let’s get really honest right now. Let’s keep it real: behind the shine, this unicorn is actually just human. The truth is I get lonely for partnership sometimes. I’ve woken up from bad dreams and curled up so closely to the man that’s not laying next to me, that I end up on the other side of the bed. Yep. And that’s ok. I love love. I love being in love. And sometimes, yes sometimes I just simply miss it.
‘The pain of marrying the wrong person is greater than the fear of not being married by some goal age.’
So listen, I am up for being caught …I am NOT up for mediocrity. I am not up for anything less than partnership. I am not up for divorce.
I believe the best way I can fight for my marriage is to work on myself while I’m still single.
Yes, read that again:
The best way I can fight for my marriage is to work on myself while I’m still single.
[Husband, if you’re reading this, that’s how committed I am to making it work.]
There’s a caveat to this, though, at least for myself: I can’t learn ALL the lessons on my own.
I tell my girlfriends all the time that their husband is an assigned number in their life. Maybe it’s #13, maybe it’s #109. You just don’t know. But what I do know is that every partner before him is also a number; one you must pass to reach your destination; one you must gain something from – lessons of plenty – before up leveling closer to ‘him’. (Pro-tip: this thought process also makes the goodbyes a bit easier)
So I may talk about my husband, but until then, I’m not untouchable. I can’t be. There’s too much to gain on my latter up to that number-of-which-remains-a-mystery.
So what do I do? I fall in love whenever I can; I have a beautiful family that’s taught me how to do that. I still get heartbroken; I still say yes to dates. I stay OPEN. And I love the casual, light connections that teach me something, the deep friendships that blossom out of ‘dating’, and I still wrangle in the fun. Most of all though, and this is important, and the only thing that might qualify as a unicorn-like quality: I know how to get up from the table when I’m no longer being served.
I wouldn’t have that skill without these years of strengthening my own self-love. Some women learned it early. Some women learn it later.
[Just, please, dear Universe, let us all learn it.]
So, sure, I’ll take the ‘unicorn.’ And because of semantics I’m even going to take the ‘I don’t want to be CAUGHT,’ because who wants to be a captive? But, please, please stop putting strong, independent, single women who don’t NEED a man into the category of not wanting one.
I do. I want mine.
And love = freedom. So, when the time comes there won’t be a net, no captives, no ball and chain, but instead, you’ll see two unicorns frolicking with wisps of freedom into the great unknown. Yes, he’s out there. He’s here. He’s probably doing the work too. And I’m excited, but not anxious, to meet or recognize each other, and arrive in his arms knowing that I’m giving him the wholest me possible.
To my fellow single women who the elders are ‘worried about’, let me be explicit: Do. the. work. Travel. Exhaust your schedule. Date when it feels good; practice solitude when it doesn’t. Dance weird. Go to the thing. Find your therapy. Be spontaneous. Sleep in. If you don’t nourish your soul now when you’re in the greatest relationship of your life (yourself), then when? Do it ALL. Enliven your soul. Believe me, your husband, your king, your twin flame, your soulmate-life-partner will thank you for it later.
…he may even have an easier time recognizing you.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Alex Frost, 33, of Santa Barbara, California. Follow her journey on Instagram here and her website here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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