‘Today I ran out of toilet paper. The dreaded day finally happened. I wobbled in, cheeks clenched, to find a barren brown tube.’: Mom shares hilarious story after running out of toilet paper, ‘Let’s find humor in the chaos’

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“Today it finally happened. The dreaded day we were all fearing from the start of this thing. I ran out of toilet paper. I am a mom of 2 littles and a wife, and we ran out. There was NO MORE TP on deck. None. Zero. Zip. Our butts were abandoned.

I’ve heard of massive re-stocks on things like toilet paper, paper towels, and napkins across the country. Unfortunately, that didn’t quite apply to our little town. And our sole family pack from last month ran out.

Earlier in the day, I had already had 2 emotional breakdowns from trying to ‘home school’ the little demons. One had randomly decided on becoming baby philosopher for the day and persistently asking questions like, ‘But mommy, why do the numbers EXIST?’ BECAUSE THEY DO. NOW ADD THEM GOSH DAMMIT. The other was hell-bent on running demonically in circles, screaming. Totally what I’d hoped for on that labor and delivery bed.

And then it happened.

My brain alerted my body, ‘You need to go, Molly. Get in that bathroom NOW.’ I rush to the bathroom, and what do I find? A barren brown tube, with a miniature scrap of white paper protruding from its center.

NO MORE TP. I open the bathroom cupboard where the extra rolls of toilet paper usually sit. Nothing. Nada.

To make matters even worse, this isn’t a regular kind of #2. Oh, no. She’s gone liquid. (I blame the Kraft quarantine meals.) The second I turn back around in a panic, trying to figure out what to use to cleanse the aftermath of my bowels, it happens. The brain sends out another signal: ‘GET TO THE TOILET, NOW. THERE’S NO TIME, MOLLY. CODE RED.’

So, there I was. Going liquid. No TP. No time to prepare.

So what do I do? Well, what any other helpless momma would. I scream for my husband. ‘DAVE. HELP!!! THERE’S NO MORE TOILET PAPER.’ Her emerges at the door in seconds. I explain the sitch and I can already hear booming laughter from the other side of the door.

He returns shortly. I wobble to the door, cheeks clenched, and unlock it. He shoves in a random t-shirt from my drawer and a plastic trash bag. Yes, a t-shirt. I wet it in the sink and plop back down on the battleground. This will be my toilet paper for the day.

After I wipe, I look down and can’t help but laugh. Why? Because the shirt my husband brought me that is now covered in ‘chocolate’ just so happens to be my Nana’s old tee. I could practically hear her chuckling from heaven and saying, ‘REALLY, Molly? I die and now you’re sh*t-washin’ my things! So much for respecting your elders!’ She always found humor in everything.

Today could have easily tipped me over the edge. But I’ve reminded myself that things could always be worse. I am happy to be alive, I am happy to be stuck at home with my husbands and kids. I’m happy we still have a source of income, and family and friends who regularly check in on us (virtually!).

Let’s take today to find some humor in the chaos, and appreciation for the things we still have.

PS – Since then, my aunt drove an HOUR AND A HALF to deliver us a pack of TP. Our butts are now clean! God bless family, am I right?!”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Molly T. You can follow her on Facebook. Submit your own story here and subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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