“Meeting mom friends is worse than dating. Okay, there, I said it! I know most moms understand this. But let me tell you…it gets infinitely harder when you’re a mom that has just recently moved into a new town. Where do you even begin honestly?
When we moved to Colorado at the beginning of February, we only had our oldest in Kindergarten. I hear that it’s easier to make mom friends when your kids make friends in school. I’m sure that theory is true, but it hasn’t happened for us that way yet. I need to make a bigger effort to be a part of the school activities next year.
So when we first moved here, we knew no one. I knew one of the best ways to meet moms is to throw my kids into activities and hope I clicked with another mom in some way during practice. I signed my kids up for everything: ballet, gymnastics, ninja classes, soccer, and t-ball. I knew if we immersed ourselves as much as we could, then we would have a better chance of meeting others.
But you have to, like, put yourself out there. It’s intimidating as heck! Especially when you just assume these people have lived here forever and already have their friend circles formed. Do people really want to welcome in new blood? It feels like a hard ‘no’ when you’re trying to get on the inside. You have to learn to start conversations in the least awkward ways possible.
‘Don’t talk about the weather, Molly! Find something more interesting to chat about!’
Thank the Lord for my white headed, blue eyed twins. Those two alone are my ‘in’ anywhere when they are around. People love to talk about identical twins and ask questions. But when they’re not there, I have to figure out where to start. Butt into their conversations they’re already having? Throw out some random questions about the city they could answer? Ask how long their kids have done this activity you’re currently sitting at? Ask for restaurant recommendations that you and your husband can go to for date night? I mean honestly, it’s the worst. It’s just the worst.
So you get into a conversation and then what? You have to seal the deal. How do you do that? I’ll tell you how. It’s a super awkward, ‘Ummm, sooo, can I like…have your number? Maybe? If that’s cool?’ type of catch phrase. Your heart will be beating a thousand miles a minute while you ask, too. But how else are you going to grow this potential relationship? You have to get her number! You have to ask for her number like you’re on your first date where you want to get to know her more.
Making friends as an adult is the hardest! Making friends as a mom is even harder! You aren’t just going to click with anyone. Just like with dating to find a partner, you essentially have to ‘date’ a fellow mom, too. Do they follow the same values as you? What is their parenting style like? Do they drink alcohol? How do they discipline their kids? Do you care what each other’s home cleanliness looks like? Do either of you care what kinds of foods you feed your kids or what kind of television they watch? Are either of you for or against screen time? The list goes on. But you have to agree on most of those points.
Not only do you have to like this mom friend, but each of your kids have to get along! Your husbands have to at least be able to tolerate each other too. No pressure or anything. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? There’s so many intricate parts that have to align. Motherhood alone is so hard, why can’t this one thing be easy?!
At the end of the day I just want my fellow mom friend to come over and watch the Kardashians or Catfish on the couch with me after our kids go to bed. I just need someone who ‘gets it’ and understands the beauty of motherhood as well as the frustrations. Someone who won’t judge me. Someone that can put a glass in their hand and cheers me for surviving another day as mama bear.
So if you see me at the park with my tribe, constantly counting their six heads…pull up a seat and keep count with me. I’ll introduce myself as Molly and tell you all about how I never thought I wanted kids, but here I am with six. We can chat about how insane the weather is all over the country if you want. You can tell me all about your life story and we can bond over our kids eating dirt together. Boom! Instant mom friends!”
Read more from Molly here:
‘I heard two soft voices greet each other. ‘Elizabeth!’, ‘Cheryl!’, their voices almost shaken. Two elderly women had run into each other for the first time in months. I pretended to look at shoes as I listened in.’
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