I Unfairly Judged, Until Postpartum Came Knocking On My Door

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โ€œI never understood postpartum depression. Just like I never understood motherhood. I mean, how can you if you havenโ€™t lived it first hand?

Sure, you can imagine what it would feel like. But imagining and understanding are two very different things.

Iโ€™ll admit. Before postpartum came knocking on my door, I unfairly judged those who walked this path before me. I just couldnโ€™t understand.

How could a mother feel such strong sadness as the result of having a baby? How could a mother ever dream of regretting her children, leaving her family, or even worse, taking her own life? Itโ€™s unfathomable.

Especially when you dreamed of being a mother your entire life. Especially when you believed postpartum could never happen to you. Knowing what I know now, the answer to those questions is actually fairly simple. And itโ€™s not because that mother has a character flaw or weakness. Itโ€™s not because she doesnโ€™t want to experience the magic.

Itโ€™s because she has a disease. One that affects 1 in 7 women who gives birth each year. Which is close to 1 million women annually in the United States. And hereโ€™s the most shocking statistic of them all: close to 850,000 of them never seek help.

This is unjust to mothers and children everywhere. And too many of us just donโ€™t understand.

I never understood postpartum depression. Not because Iโ€™m ignorant, but because itโ€™s not talked about. Itโ€™s not addressed in doctorsโ€™ offices. Itโ€™s not addressed on the birthing table. And itโ€™s typically not shared among friends.

Not enough women are being saved, and too many women are slipping through the cracks. And Iโ€™m not about to stand for it. Iโ€™m not about to sit here and feel ashamed of the battle Iโ€™m fighting. Iโ€™m not about to let you believe I donโ€™t love my children, or Iโ€™d ever trade them for anything. Theyโ€™re my world and I want to continue living it.

Itโ€™s just sometimes I struggle to make it through the day, because Iโ€™m 1 in 7.

But Iโ€™m also one of those who went to seek help.

Letโ€™s get that number lower and allow those women to start living.โ€

Mother who suffered from postpartum depression walks holding hands with toddler son
Annie Lawton

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Annie Lawton. You can follow her journey on FacebookSubscribe to our free email newsletter, Living Betterโ€”your ultimate guide for actionable insights, evidence backed advice, and captivating personal stories, propelling you forward to living a more fulfilling life.

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