Disclaimer: This story contains mention of suicidal ideation and may be triggering to some.
“This year I’ve had my accounts hacked and my writing deleted.
I’ve had my phone die and I lost thousands of written notes.
I’ve had my words twisted and changed to reflect me as a horrible person. I’ve even had my words plagiarized, word for word, and passed off as another’s and watched them get praised for it
And I get asked, ‘Why do you keep going? Take a break, get off, maybe it isn’t for you.’
But it is for me. Writing is for me. It’s mine.
When I was 14 and drew on my wrists with a leaky red pen, fantasizing about ending my life, I took the pen and I wrote. I wrote out all my feelings and I felt clearer.
When a boyfriend of years left me for another girl and I navigated the dating world, I wrote about it, and I felt more confident, stronger.
When I felt like I was the only mother awake for the 8th time in the middle of the night, with a crying baby—who I was crying along with, feeling like my world was crashing in, I wrote. I grabbed my phone and I wrote while my baby gnawed on my nipples, and I felt better, I felt happier.
Writing makes me feel free. Journaling makes me feel alive.
Writing is my therapy.
And it’s saved me
Literally, it’s saved me.
And you, you saved me. You are coming along this journey, you are telling me you’ve felt the same, you have made me feel like I’m not alone.
Every time I write I delve deeper into my soul, I understand my internal conflicts. I understand myself more and I feel stronger. I HEAL every time I write. And these are moments for me. Moments which are an honor to share with such a loving and supportive community.
So with all the haters, all the negative feedback, the word twisting, the plagiarism, all of it, my heart will not falter.
So perhaps there might be one day where I’ll feel done, but quitting? Nah. Not out of rejection, not out of fear, not over plagiarism, not out of losing it all. I have so much to gain, so much to win, and I’m doing it all for me. Through pain I earned my voice and I will never be silenced.
Never give up on whatever it is that makes your heart happy.“
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza. Follow Laura on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more from Laura here:
‘He hates his teacher threatening him to send the principal’s office. It doesn’t work because I’m too soft and tired.’: Mom learns important lesson from son, ‘their innocence is worth keeping a little bit longer’
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