“It may make some people uncomfortable. It may even make you cringe. But I will never stop talking about my children who died. 1 in 8 couples experience a form of child loss. And chances are you know someone who has. So, it’s comments like this one that make me sad… Sad that so many parents feel they have to tip toe around the topic, wondering who they might offend when they share their heartbreak.
I posted a picture of my surviving triplet, sharing what it was like to hold her for the first time in the NICU. Yet, this woman wasn’t interested in my precious moment.
Here we go again. Please feel blessed and happy with the two that you have here with you.
I actually read the comment several times, trying to process what I saw on my screen. I usually take the high road with what I like to call ‘internet trolls,’ but for some reason, my heart was hurting and I responded.
Here’s the thing—parents who have experienced a devastating loss shouldn’t have to explain ourselves. We shouldn’t have to justify why we are talking about our children. Just because they are no longer alive, doesn’t make them any less of a child.
As I look at my surviving triplet and our precious new baby, I am so grateful for my living children. I truly feel like my life is so blessed and I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. But that doesn’t take away the grief and the heartache I have felt in the past 6+ years. You never get over the loss of a child. The grief changes over time, but there is always a piece of your heart missing.
I would give anything to be sharing sweet moments with my triplets—the first day of school, opening presents together on Christmas. But instead, parents like me can only imagine what life would be like if our children were alive. While we find happiness and learn how to move forward in life, there will always be moments when milestones and memories trigger our grief. It’s hard to fully understand unless you have gone through the heartbreak of losing a child. It’s a club no parent ever wants to be part of.
What you see on social media is only a snippet of life. When us parents share our sadness, it doesn’t mean that our lives revolve around loss. Grief and happiness can coexist.
Our society has come a long way in making child loss less taboo, but I think I speak for many other parents when I say—we still have a long way to go. Even though two of my children are not here physically, they will always be present in my life. I am not ashamed to speak about my children both here on earth and in Heaven. I will not be silenced, and those of you grieving parents shouldn’t be silenced either.”
This story was written by Stacey Skrysak, an award winning television journalist based in Illinois. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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