“One year after my Mom passed away from Cancer, I was a single woman with my cat Sadie in 2015. If you would have told me I’d be a Mom of 4 by 2020, I would have broken down laughing in hysterics. Yet, here I am in 2020, during a huge worldwide pandemic as a Mom of 4.
I met my fiancé in the summer of 2015 and became an instant Mom to his two sons. Within a year, I was pregnant with my first child. Everything was going so well. I was just getting into the new role of taking care of little ones when it all changed 29 weeks into my pregnancy.
I was admitted to the hospital on my 30th birthday, and 5 days later I had a placental abruption. Both my daughter and I were at an extremely high risk of not surviving. In fact, if I wasn’t in the hospital at that moment, my surgeon said neither of us would have made it. That was a tough pill to swallow. And even worse, after my emergency C-Section, I wasn’t allowed to see, hold, or touch my 2.5 pound little girl.
Finally, the day came where they allowed me to see her, and I broke down. I blamed myself for putting her through what she endured and leaving her in a cold hospital NICU while I got discharged and went home. In the end, after 52 days of scares, heartache, and triumphs, our little girl finally got to come home. This year she is 4 and will start PreK!
In 2017, I became pregnant with a little boy. I had issues throughout this pregnancy as well, but I was able to carry him until 32 weeks. He spent 20 days in the NICU, so I will always carry that guilt. I’ve tried to make it up by being the best Momma I can to all 4 of them.
We struggle, as a lot of families do. We forget the little things that we have overcome in our journey, especially during this hard time in the world. I know so many Mommas out there are so stressed. They are wondering what the right direction is and what steps they need to take to make sure their children are happy and healthy. We need to take a step back and stay strong to make these decisions.
Our purpose is that little heartbeat in that small chest. We created it. It’s beating because we fought and overcame. Never ever forget that. I have to remind myself of it often. I have to go and just sit and watch their calmness. I have to watch them be fearless and stress-free because they are unaware of most things going on around them. I try to live my life through their heart and ability to overcome.
The next time you’re lying in bed, stressing about all of the uncertainties life is throwing at you, I want you to do me a favor. Get up, walk past the dirty dishes you left in your sink, past the stack of bills waiting to be paid, over the toys that are scattered across the floors, and go straight to your child’s room.
Sit down next to each bed just for a second and watch their peacefulness. Watch their beautiful calm face as they sleep, then put your hand upon their chest and feel their heart. Try breathing the same breaths as they do…in and out, in and out. Then take the time to realize that heart and those little breaths are your purpose. They are what you contributed to this beautiful world, and what you will help mold into an amazing person.
So, stop with the stress, and understand things will all work out in the end. Stop trying to compare yourselves to other parents based on how you are choosing to raise your child. And please, just try to sleep without a worry in the world, just like your babies do.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Julie Boardman. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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