“I can’t believe I miss having my own toilet plunger.
Sometimes I find myself pushing my empty cart through the aisle of Target, HomeGoods, or local thrift shops. I take in the vibrant sight of cozy pillows and blankets. I drift away in the smell of candles and the coffee brewing across the store. I watch people, couples, and families decide between all these homey items with such care, and then leave with an empty cart.
I don’t go to these places to shop for much anything anymore, except some books, food, or small random needs. I usually just spend some of my mama free time pushing my cart with questions swirling in my mind…
When our travel adventures are over and we don’t call hotel rooms home for years at a time anymore, where will our home be? What will it look like? Will I be tempted to fill it with these throw pillows on the shelves? What will the ‘trendy’ style be? Will farmhouse style still be chic, or will a new trend emerge to captivate the masses…and myself?
My mama heart sinks, a lump appears in my throat as I wonder if my oldest will be asking for a room adorned with some kind of cartoon character by the time he has his own space to decorate again. I’m ashamed to admit even when we had a home, I didn’t soak up this season up more. Years ago, I rushed to the ‘pretty and less chaotic looking’ bedding sets, but now I can only hope he will still want a crazy pillow, or sign, or something youthful and just silly when the time comes.
Side note: Mamas, buy everything in bright colors adorned with Paw Patrol characters while you can!
All these thoughts feel unusual for me because, on this journey, I knew I’d miss the people we love and the homes we’ve created in the past. I didn’t expect to miss the seemingly normal items we have packed away like our own toilet plunger or our kitchen mixer. You know, to sit and collect dust on my kitchen counter. Kidding…kind of. My husband used the mixer often, just not me!
However, when we sold and gave away most of our big belongings, I really, truly never imagined I could spend some days also missing a place we haven’t made any memories in yet…our future town and our future home.
I know it’s out there somewhere. We are letting the Lord lead our path, so, at this point, we don’t even know where we may end up. Home could be an apartment in the city or on a small piece of land in the country. It could be on one coast or the other. We are truly putting it in his hands.
Whenever it is, I just know one day, I hope to fill those unfamiliar walls with loud worship music, the smells of pancakes in the mornings, kisses, giggles, a (really sturdy) plant or two, good books, thrifted clothes, questionable paint choices, friends, family, cozy candles, and local coffee. With this visual in my mind, I again find my mama heart pleading my oldest will still want some kind of sign of childlike wonder and innocence in his room to confirm he isn’t done with that stage of life just yet.
I know nothing about where we are meant to spend the rest of our days, but I still pray for this place often. Not just the home, but for the people surrounding us we haven’t met and whatever town we will live in.
We love this season of life. We have longed to explore new corners of the country and are so grateful for the opportunity we have to do so as a family. I always hesitate to share things like this because I don’t want my words twisted into ungratefulness. But more as reassurance, even when you see someone achieving a long-awaited goal they wanted in life, you know they are still spending some days longing for the seemingly little things making up the comforts of life we can all take for granted.
Comforts like familiar walls to hang their own pictures, local faces who see them in a bookstore and give them a knowing smile of friendship, a grocery store they actually know their way around, the ability to get around without using GPS, and yes, even a toilet plunger they don’t have to share with every other hotel room and guest. I’ve learned not to fixate too much on the future, but my heart will always overflow with joy when I imagine the day I can spill our happiness, creativity, and coziness back into a space all our own.
Until this day comes, I am giving it my all to create a familiar and homey feeling on the road, and to celebrate the little things making up this joyful experience here. Even on harder days, I know I’ll sit in my future home and one day, miss this beautifully wild season!”
Read part one of Courtney’s story here.
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Courtney Abernathy. Follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more stories from Courtney here:
‘She’s very vocal….’ A woman in Walmart made me cry over a comment she made about my toddler. The shame crashed down all over me.’: Mom feels guilt for misjudging stranger after noticing her comment about her daughter
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