“When I met him 4 years ago, we were in recovery. It was like love at first sight. We were inseparable – until he went to prison, and we stayed together all through prison until his release 18 months later.
When he got home, his mother passed away and things slowly deteriorated from there. That was when I lost him… that was when the violence started, and the insanity took me into the darkness. Eventually I relapsed with him and things got scary from there.
One day, after I’d been sleeping one off for a couple of days, I woke up and I realized something was wrong. I went out into the living room and the look on his face was that of a monster… a monster called meth-induced psychosis. I tried to get out the door, but he had screwed it shut while I was sleeping, along with the windows.
He told me, ‘You try to get out that door again I’m going to f****** kill you,’ and that is when he hit me with a baseball bat… again and again and again, and stabbed me with his pocket knife after I decided I didn’t want to do meth anymore. I tried in vain to get away from him until I eventually found myself pinned between the bed and the wall. He was swinging the bat at me over and over again, and finally I found the strength to fight him off.
I grabbed that bat and I held onto it with everything I had. He swung the bat around and hit me in the face with the handle. I pretended to be unconscious, then I waited for him to turn around so I could get into the windowsill of my upstairs bedroom. When I got up into the window, he turned back around and ran at me with the knife. I made a split-second decision to throw myself backwards out the window.
I awoke a day later in the ICU. Miraculously I had no broken bones… blunt force trauma to my head, knees, arms and legs and some nerve damage. My knees and legs now require surgery, but all in all, I was very lucky. (It was God.)
The police found him back at my apartment a few hours later with almost no recollection of what happened, and took him to jail. He’s looking at 30 years to life in prison. Both our lives were changed that day… meth has taken the man I loved more than anything and turned him into a stranger. I have forgiven him, but have to leave him in God’s hands. I did end up going to prison, I was on probation and was violated for using.
I paroled to Colorado with my family and I am in trauma-based recovery. I have my children back in my life now, and am slowly moving forward, one day at a time. Having my children back has been amazing. My daughter graduated high school and I was able to be there for that. I am more motivated than I ever was before to stay in recovery, because without it, I will lose myself again.
I have a very long road ahead, but one day at a time, and one foot in front of the other, I know it can be done. There IS hope after dope, and there is light at the end of the violent tunnel of codependence.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Cara West. A version of her story originally appeared on this addiction recovery Facebook page. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
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