“It’s a secret I’ve been holding closely to my heart. It’s a secret, so big, we didn’t even tell our parents for months. Eight years after starting fertility treatments, six years after becoming pregnant with our triplets, and five and half years after losing two of our children, I am pregnant with our rainbow baby. It’s a term often used for a baby born after child loss. After enduring the storm of loss, a rainbow baby offers hope and healing.
It’s hard to put my words into emotions. The tears have poured down my face, my heart racing as I think about finally sharing our news with the world. Truth be told, being pregnant after child loss is one of the most difficult things I have gone through in my life. We are so excited to welcome this new baby to our family, yet it’s scary knowing all I have been through in the past.
Six years ago, we became pregnant with our triplets. It was a time full of hope and excitement. After years of heartache, our family would finally be complete. But at just 22 weeks gestation, I went into labor. I was considered to be on the edge of viability, where many hospitals wouldn’t even give my children a chance at life. Doctors delivered my triplets and all three were alive. But due to extreme prematurity, Abby and Parker died within two months of birth. I faced my own near-death experience due to sepsis, and spent several days in the ICU.
After our tragic outcome, having more children was put on the back burner. Over the years my husband and I talked about it. I always thought we would have more than one child here on earth, but to be honest, I was too scared. I couldn’t imagine going through a pregnancy, wondering each week what complications might arise. And I couldn’t fathom losing another child.
Six months ago, we decided our family was complete. We signed the papers and said goodbye to our fertility clinic, closing that chapter of our lives. We were in a good place, happy with our little family that included Peyton here on earth, and Abby and Parker in Heaven. But God had other plans for us. In December, we became pregnant naturally. This was truly meant to be.
As a television news anchor, my life has often been on public display. Six years ago, my husband and I decided we would be open with the public about our struggles and heartache. While I will never understand why our life went in this direction, I truly believe our children gave us new purpose in life. I have a unique platform where I can be a voice for others and I’m honored I can share our family with the world, talking about taboo topics like child loss and infertility.
As I prepared to share our surprise news on television, my hands were shaking, and my eyes began tearing up. Memories of sharing our triplet pregnancy announcement immediately rushed back to me. As the camera light turned red, I took a deep breath and began to shock our viewers. No one, including us, ever expected my family to have more children. I smiled as I shared our picture announcing our pregnancy and I openly cried as I talked about the fear of being pregnant after loss. That’s the reality for parents like me—tears quickly become the new normal. Within minutes, I received texts and phone calls, Facebook messages and comments from around the world. Our secret was finally out, and we were being wrapped in love and support by thousands of people.
We are so thrilled to be welcoming another bundle of joy into our lives and I’m feeling good, other than being constantly exhausted. I can definitely say being pregnant at close to 40 is much more tiring than in my early 30’s!
I’m scared and so many milestones bring back memories of my triplet pregnancy, but I’m in good hands. The same team of doctors who saved my life and my children are taking care of me once again. I am at appointments weekly and this baby is being closely monitored. While I delivered the triplets more than 17 weeks premature, we are all hopeful I will have a long and healthy pregnancy this time around.
The coming months will be difficult. There have already been plenty of sleepless nights, anxiety and grief, and I know more will come as I start to reach the milestones from my previous pregnancy. My husband and I used to be optimistic people. But the loss of two children has changed us and shaped who we are today. Our triplets taught us to appreciate every moment, for you never know what tomorrow may bring. And that’s all we can do with our rainbow baby—appreciate each moment and take it day by day. Truthfully, neither of us will be 100% optimistic until we have a healthy baby in our arms.
Thanks to my family, an amazing group of friends, and a support system that spans the globe, I know I will make it through this pregnancy. There will be tears, there will be grief and there will be plenty of fear, but it will all be worth it in the end. Our sweet rainbow baby is already so loved, and we are excited and for this next chapter of our lives.”
This story was written by Stacey Skrysak, an award winning television journalist based in Illinois. It originally appeared on her blog. A version of this post originally appeared at Her View From Home. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Submit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.
Read more about Stacey’s triplets:
‘How are the kids?’ I gave her a puzzled look, wondering if I heard her correctly. My heart began to race and my breathing became faster. Tears erupted as my mind instantly flashed back to 3 years ago.’
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